Do you see yourself as a perfectionist? Although you may think that is a positive attribute you are about to learn the truth about perfectionism. There are many undesirable perfectionism can have on your self worth value, and confidence.

Perfectionism is ego based belief, where one needs things to be perfect and or tries to be perfect. Although there can be a sense of accomplishment or mastery when you get something done perfectly, perfectionism gets in the way of your happiness and especially self-confidence. Trying to be perfect and do things perfectly is very draining and unrealistic. You start to believe this illusion that you can control life. The fact of the matter is you can not control life and what happens in life. However, you can choose how you experience life. You can try figuring out how to make things "perfect" or you can go with the flow and be flexible.

Perfectionism is a pattern I have dealt with in my own life. What I have learned from my own experience and working with many women on this issue that trying to be perfect or do things perfectly is a way to validate and your self worth and value. You evaluate the external things in your life and see them as reflection of you. So if you get something "right" or "perfect" you feel good about yourself. If you don't get it perfect you judge and criticize yourself. Hence, you feel less than or inadequate.

It is impossible to be perfect and when you focus your energy on trying to be and do perfect things a lot of pleasure is taking out of life. It is good to be prepared and to do your best. However, being consumed with the idea of doing things perfectly leads you to self imposed judgment and criticism. So many of my clients will not even start projects or put off working on their goals because they are overwhelmed by their thoughts and fears about what it will take to do something and do it perfectly. They feel so much pressure and they do not want to fail that is becomes easier to not even try. I spend time re-training my clients to stop focusing on how it should look and detach from the outcome and instead focus on enjoying the process.

Imagine how different you would feel if you were studying for a test and you viewed studying as a game? "How can I remember the most or I how well can I do?" Versus "I need to get an A, otherwise I am not good enough or I am a failure." When I was in college I would cry when I got anything less than an A. That is how much of a perfectionist I was; it ruled my life and way of being. When I did not get things done perfectly I felt horrible about myself. Boy, I was so serious; I can remember many times not being much fun to be around. I was like a ticking time bomb. I felt so much pressure to perform and spent so much time criticizing and judging myself. Now I am no longer consumed with this need to be perfect and my life is so much more fulfilling and rewarding. I even laugh when I think back to that time in my life when I was miserable.

Page 1 of 2 :: First | Last :: Prev | 1 2 | Next