Recently, a well known educator and speaker on parenting issues made a list of all the difficult questions parents had been asking him about their teens. He noticed that of all the issues that are bothering parents, the number one concern is what to do about bad friends. This question was mentioned more than twice as often as the next most common concern.

This educator then did a very interesting experiment. At the time he was working with a number of troubled teens. Many of these teens were estranged from their families. Some of them had resolved their difficulties and were already in the process of making peace with their parents.

He asked these teenagers, "What should I tell parents so that their children won't have the problems you are having."

He asked their advice on a number of issues that parents were finding difficult. In most cases, these teens had good suggestions. However, when he asked them what to do about the number one issue that was troubling parents about their teens, none of them had anything to say.

He then asked these teens what it was that got them in trouble in the first place. The number one answer was bad friends.

So the number one issue that worries parents about their teens is bad friends. The biggest reason teens get into trouble is bad friends. And the answer that these teens gave as to how to help parents deal with this issue was, "There is nothing parents can do."

The Reasons

One reason that parents can't separate their child from a bad friend is that the friend often has a stronger relationship. When a child is young, his parents are the major influence in his life. As children enter adolescence a change occurs. A natural part of growing up is breaking away from parents and making bonds with peers. This is normal. If the parent child bond is healthy, children will eventually renew their ties with their parents. This happens in the late teens or early twenties. But throughout most of adolescence, a normal child is closer to his friends than his family.

A second reason parents find it so difficult to separate their teens from bad friends is that to put it simply you can't take away what you can't replace. Parents cannot replace their child's friends.

What You Can Do

Do Not Attack Your Child's Friends

If your child is running in a bad crowd, your hold on him is loose or non-existent. The last thing you should do is to acquire an enemy. If you make a personal attack on your child's friend that is exactly what you are going to get, a sworn enemy. This enemy will now be out to get you and he very likely have more influence on your child than you.

It will not help to tell your child not to tell this friend. If you trash your child's friend, this person will know about it minutes to hours after the words leave your mouth. You will have made an enemy for life, at a time when you need every ally that you can get.

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