Most people view divorce in a negative light. For instance, a woman who is newly divorced is expected to be in the grieving process and might be criticized if she were to jump right into the dating scene. Similarly, men who are newly divorced are seen as bad emotional investments by many women because it is assumed that they are emotionally fragile.
Some women even assume that a man who is divorced (even in the distant past) is bad relationship material simply because the divorce shows their inability to maintain a long term, committed relationship. This is a completely inappropriate view that holds no merit for most men, but it is one that many women cling to.
But wait...what if you could completely turn around this negative view of divorce? What if it were possible to make divorce a positive thing in your life? Before you laugh off the idea as ludicrous, consider that divorce doesn't have to always be a horrible thing. For some people who are able to put their mind in the right state, it can actually be something that turns their life in a positive direction.
Learning from Your Mistakes
For starters, you will learn a lot as you go through your divorce. The more time you spend in personal reflection while the divorce is taking place, the more you will start to see what went wrong in the relationship and what you could have done to make things go differently.
This is not to say that the divorce was your fault! Relationships require two people to continually feed off of one another's attitudes and perspectives, so when things go wrong both parties have some responsibilities. We all make mistakes, and after a divorce you will realize that yours were in terms of the relationship.
Knowing your mistakes will help you avoid them in the future. Even if you realize you just reacted badly to your spouse cheating or a negative life view of your spouse, you will know in the future how to handle those things much better.
During and after a divorce, you will go through a lot of personal growth. There is something about the combination of heart break, anger, rejection, frustration, and all the other mixed emotions that most couples feel as they separate, which brings about a natural process of emotional and sometimes spiritual growth.
You become more in-tuned with your own thoughts and your own body. You start to see the world in a different light. If you don't feel this happening naturally, you can do exercises and spend time journaling your thoughts and emotions in order to start growing and maturing. This growth and added maturity will equal out to a better relationship when you find someone new in the future. Right now, it will equal out to a better, well lived life.
Freedom to Live
Finally, going through a divorce gives you freedom to really live your life. Rather than sitting around grieving your lost relationship, make a decision to get up and really live your life. Do all the things you wanted to do but your spouse never approved of. Whatever your heart desires...go after it! When you learn to embrace personal growth and vow to live every day to the fullest, you will experience divorce in a positive light!
© Vanaja Ghose 2010