If you are having a hard time dealing with your failed marriage, just imagine what your children could be going through. They have to deal with the fact that unlike before, they have one parent who is living with them and one whom they rarely see. They have to deal with the fact that the parent who is given custody over them is the one who is their primary caregiver. They have to deal with constantly packing and unpacking while visiting the other parent.
The thing is, children have different ways of reacting to this kind of problem. To help you deal with the different issues children have after marriage, here are some tips that you can use. While these tips do not entirely get rid of the issues, they can ease things a little.
Always remember that after a divorce or a separation, it is not just you who is suffering the after-effects. The children are having problems adjusting to it, too. With this in mind, become more sensitive to their needs. Provided that their needs are within reasonable grounds, try to meet these as much as possible. Bear in mind that now, there is only one parent whom they can immediately turn to and that is you.
Aside from being sensitive to the children’s needs, you should try to become more sensitive to their feelings too. If you are having emotional problems resulting from the separation, so do the children. The thing is, while you may know how to deal with your emotional problems, your children may not. So root on this and be sensitive to their feelings.
Talk Things Out
Another thing that you can do to make dealing with your children’s issues after divorce is to talk things out with them. You don’t need to have a formal family meeting in order to open the communication lines. Casually ask general things such as how their day was, what they did, how did their swimming or skating go, etc. Once they get started, children will pretty much open up and tell you their troubles.
Children will always have questions. And no matter what, they will always blurt the questions out. Never hesitate to answer the question straight out. Do not beat around the bush. Do not overcomplicate the question by talking about other things instead of discussing the topic in question. Do not pass the task to their father. All of these will only make things difficult for them.
Tell the Truth and Don’t Lie
You might think that if you lie to the children about a certain something that concerns them, it will make things easier for them. While this may be true in the short term, later on, your lies will catch up with you making things all the more difficult than they already are.
Never hesitate to ask for help. You can ask close friend, a sibling, your parents, a life coach, or even a psychiatrist. Let them help you in dealing with your children’s issues. They can have talks with you as well as your children. If you can, also enlist the help of your children’s father. After all, he still is their father even if the two of you have separated. Addressing the children’s needs is still one of his responsibilities.
© Vanaja Ghose 2010