There are six steps to getting angry, no matter whether it's a light anger or heavy rage.
The University of London about 20 years ago, did a study on frustration. They were trying to find out how many frustrations the average person experiences in a day. They concluded that the average person has about 20 frustrations a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. About 20 frustrations a day, from little ones up to giant ones.
Here's an example of a small frustration could be. Let's say your favorite thing to eat in the morning is Cheerios. And you get up one morning to have breakfast and somebody already ate all the Cheerios. Okay you get over that and decide, "Okay, I'm going to have a cup of coffee or tea," and you go to the refrigerator to get some milk and all the milk is gone. Then you need to get your newspaper off the front step and find that your next door neighbor's dog just ate your newspaper again for the seven hundred and second time. You go to get in your car to go to work and you have a flat tire. You haven't even left the house and you already had four frustrations.
Frustration is the first step to getting angry. Anger is a secondary emotion, the primary emotion is frustration. Frustration is wanting something and not getting it. "I want this thing to happen and I'm not getting what I want." I want to experience a certain opportunity or thing happen in my life and it's not. So frustration is wanting something, and not getting it. This doesn't create anger, it's just one step.
The second step is, "I want my way but something is stopping or blocking me, on purpose or on accident, from getting this thing I desire." I want to have my work go in a certain way, it's not going that way and there's somebody there who's not doing their job, and so they're in my way of getting what I want. Again, this second step only creates frustration. It is only when you move to the third step in the six steps that anger occurs.
The third step of the six steps to anger is a demand. "I must have my way!" "They must do what I want the way I want!" "I've got to have this thing happen now! It's got to happen!" Whatever it is that you are demanding must happen, whether it's a child doing what you want, a boss doing it your way, your coworkers doing a certain thing, traffic to moving at the speed you desire, you are demanding that go the way you want! You go from simply wanting something to happen, I want my way, I'm not getting it and something is blocking me, into a demand where you must get your way.
Once you hit step three, going from three to six can happen in a split-second, it could take longer, but it can happen really fast. So, I want my way is number three, then comes number four which is blaming or finger pointing, "You, they, it, the situation, something is the problem, and you are bad because you aren't doing it my way or giving me what I want!" that's step four. Step five is, "You deserve to be punished! Number six, "I'm going to punish you!"
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