As with so many couples today my partner and I are together after two previous long relationships, in the case of my partner a relationship that produced two great kids. And as someone more mature, and I’d like to think wiser, I’m often thinking why it’s worked out so well for us and yet not for others. Often my friends and family say it’s just because I’m great with children. Well I don’t happen to think so, dating for parents isn’t easy, but with a little thought it can work, with a little forward planning it can lead to years of happiness.

As I say I don’t I’m special or somehow have a physic way with kids, but I did look to the past to see the way forward. You see I myself was brought up in a house where my mother lived with her new partner, you could say I had first hand knowledge of the kids point of view, both I’m afraid good and bad. When my partner and I started dating, as a single parent I knew she had to feel that this relationship would in no way make the kids un-happy or feel rejected, and so I had to make sure the children were happy so that my partner and I had a chance of making the relationship work, to me the key to successful dating for parents.

I had to from day one realise that my partner would always put the happiness of her children first, and in fact one of the keys to that was making sure that their father had to come first as well. Yes I know the last person you would think I’d think of, but I knew making sure that he knew I wasn’t trying to replace him was a key to keeping the children content. With him on our side the children wouldn’t feel pulled between two parents. I made sure that right form the beginning the children didn’t think that I was trying to push their father out of their lives, I also asked them to use my first name, yes I was in a relationship with their mother, but this didn’t mean that I would boss them around. From time to time they would complain about the long trip up to see him, and at these times I would always sit down with them and make sure they knew just how much he loved them and how much these trips meant to him. Did I like him, no and I still don’t , but I know that it’s vital to keep him on our side, for us and the children.

I also learned to share the burden of parenthood, I took it in turns with my partner to pick them up from school, to take them to their clubs and societies. From day one I shared this with my partner rather than make her feel guilty because their demands and needs got in the way of us doing things together. I learned to share her with them, knowing that they would come first and that it was hard enough being a single parent without having a jealous boyfriend kicking off all the time because they were monopolizing her time.

I can’t say everyday was a success, but by trying to put their feelings before me worked for us as a couple. Dating for parents is never going to be as simple as for single people easy as it is for people who don’t have children, but what I am saying is that if you learn not to try and compete with your partners children, or ex, you are going in the right direction. Learn to put them first and try to always be their friend rather than a substitute father figure. Starting a relationship with a single parent is not going to work for everyone out there, but for some of you trust me it can become the best decision you will ever make!