Just recently I was conducting training with a group of senior managers and we were exploring the idea of how you maintain a sense of control.

With so many factors at play that are external to us it can seem almost impossible to stay ahead of the game and avoid being consumed by a never ending stream of items demanding your attention.

But I believe the answer is simple (note: I didn't say easy!).

Give up blame.

One of the delegates then asked how do you do that? How do you give up blaming when, for example, you know someone else is responsible for the failure of a project or missing a target?

Blaming seems natural because it resolves you of responsibility. Finger pointing is the easy option. Blame cultures and victims exist everywhere so it seems an acceptable thing to do.

The problem with blame is that as soon as you blame someone or something you are giving away your power.

So what's the shift in thinking?

The less common stance is taking full responsibility.

This doesn't mean shifting the blame to yourself - because that's still blame and so that will drain you of energy too. But if we choose to take responsibility and accept that, in some way, we have contributed to our situation then this begins to open up more choice.

We can choose to learn. We can do better next time. We can create a better system. We can communicate better. We can tell the truth. We can build better teams. All of these are empowering.

Giving up blame does not guarantee success. But choosing to be responsible (response-able) gives you personal power. It puts you in the active position.

Victor Frankl, survivor of the Nazi death camps and author of 'Man's Search for Meaning' said "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

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