You talk about how you want something different in your life – a new house, a better relationship with your spouse (or to find a spouse), get out of debt, or lose weight – but nothing changes. You find that you spend (waste) a lot of time talking about it, but not doing anything about it.

How do you motivate yourself to change?

There are two ways people will change, either by choice or by force. Neither one is very pretty.

Change by Force ‘By force’ means that you have no choice. For example, you lose your job so you have to find a new one. Your doctor gives you bad news about your health so now you have to lose weight…or else suffer the consequences. Your husband is having an affair; this forces you to divorce.

There are times when you know you need to change and you think about it, but instead of being proactive like seeking new employment before your workplace lays you off or talking to financial planner before you go into foreclosure, you sabotage things. You wait until things get so bad you are forced into action.

Force is not pretty because you cannot choose to move forward and create something new; you HAVE to or else suffer the consequences.

Change by Choice The other option is to CHOOSE change. Choosing to change means that you have become willing to do whatever it takes to make a change in your life. You sacrifice your ‘comforts’ of the way things are in exchange for the hopes of something better.

Choosing change is great in that it allows you to be proactive. Instead of waiting for the forces of fate to push you into moving and making a change, you take the actions needed to move forward.

This isn’t pretty either because any way you look at it, change is hard. There are forces at work that are meant to keep you right where you are. For instance, fear is a big obstacle to change. So are habits.

But fear of the consequences is also a motivator for change. If you are scared to die, and most people are, then you might be more willing to give up greasy foods as recommended by your doctor so you can continue to live and enjoy yourself, your relationships, and your work.

Overwhelm is another big hurdle to change. You see all that needs to be accomplished in order to change and you become overwhelmed. This DE-motivates you, or, rather, motivates you to continue along your current path no matter how unhappy you may be.

So how does one break through the barriers and choose change?

Two Motivators for Change

We humans will move toward pleasure and away from pain. It’s that simple. But not so easy.

People endure a lot of pain without realizing it. You put up with so much stuff that you do not like, that causes you pain and frustration and aggravation. You hold tight to old wounds and repeat damaging behaviors. Day after day, you are bombarded by life’s negative forces and you do battle, often without realizing just how much of a fight you withstand. Until, of course, at the end of the day when you crash from exhaustion!

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