A lot of people will often focus on the physical act of infidelity in marriage, but the truth is it’s the emotional pain inflected that leaves the true scars. When someone you’ve trusted has abused that trust, and lied to cover it up, then a lot of the time a person is left feeling foolish, angry, and stupid. Most people hate to feel even a single one of these emotions, and the combination can make us want to strike out with vengeance at those who’ve wronged us.

This is a completely normal and expected reaction to betrayal. The problem is that it’s an action fueled by powerful emotions whose only goal is to inflict the same kind of pain that has been inflicted upon you. Almost always it will just cause a cycle of attack that will end up leaving your marriage in shambles. You can’t save your marriage, or rebuild the trust necessary to move on if you succumb to this desire for quick revenge.

This is why it’s so important after infidelity in marriage to give yourself some time to cool off, and let these powerful emotions work themselves out. Eventually you will begin to calm down, and can take the time examine your relationship rationally.

If you’ve decided that you want to try, and salvage things then the first step is going to be rebuilding the trust that has been shattered. This is a process that is going to take a while, and you should be prepared for the time it will take to do this.

The first step to rebuilding trust has got to be a complete and full accounting of what happened. We as humans will often go to great lengths to avoid pain, but any potential pain you feel after learning more will be mitigated in the long run. If there are unanswered questions that remain about the infidelity, then you’re going to end up building trust on a foundation that is littered with holes, and like a deck of cards can be knocked down with a just a little shove.

The next step is going to be about addressing the underlining issues that caused the affair. It will be a painful and frustrating process I have no doubt but like any cancer it has to be cut out. Once you know exactly what caused things to end as they are, you can begin the process of addressing them.

The final piece to rebuilding trust is going to have to be forgiveness. There is a reason that people say anger, and resentment are like a poison. If you allow them to live, or try to hide them away they will eventually just seep out.

The process of rebuilding trust after infidelity in marriage is not an easy one, but the long road does have a happy destination. You will come back with a marriage that is stronger than ever before, and trust that will last a life time.