Anger management takes time, effort, and a gentle but firm discipline. If we have problems with anger then we need to apply ourselves in order to find our way forward. However, the attitude with which we approach our journey is important.

If on the one hand we are harsh with ourselves, beating our self up for having anger, we'll create obstacles to our progress. Being angry at our self for having anger obviously won't help. And fighting our anger like an enemy will not reduce our anger, in fact it will only increase our problems.

On the other hand, if we are too passive in our approach, if we don't put in some kind of effort on a consistent basis over time, there will be no journey. If we leave our state of mind to fate, thinking there is nothing we can do to change things, then indeed things won't change.

What is needed is a balance of discipline and gentleness, effort and relaxation, commitment and kindness. It's the yin and yang of anger management, or of any self improvement or personal growth process for that matter.

Discipline means we are willing to put in some effort to work with our state of mind and our life circumstances. We are happy to do anger management exercises, read books and websites, and change our negative habits, because we know that if we do these things we will make progress and we will feel better. We know that we need to apply ourselves if we hope to achieve results, so we do it.

Gentleness is that our discipline is free of aggression, and we don't push on our life or other people to be a certain way. We understand that change takes time, and we are kind in the face of our own and others' hang ups. We humble ourselves when the going gets rough, and we have enough perspective to see that this too will change.

If we have this attitude of gentleness, it will support us in our discipline. Discipline is the vehicle, gentleness is the atmosphere. Discipline allows us to move forward, and gentleness is the air we breath to keep us fresh and replenished. One without the other doesn't work.