Getting used to saying "I'm sorry" is something which we are usually taught as a child when we are in the process of growing up. Some learn this lesson more quickly than others!
To have to say that you are sorry is essentially a spoken acknowledgment of you having been in the wrong over something or other. Most of us do not like to be seen to be in the wrong; it kind of goes against the grain. Humans in general seek social approval, and being seen to be in the wrong goes against this basic instinctive need.
As a child when you first learn that you can say that you are sorry without subsequent loss of social approval you experience a sense of relief. You also learn that you can be in the wrong but still be loved and liked. In fact you generally learn that you gain greater approval though the act of saying "I'm sorry". You are given due respect for "being a man" and admitting that you are in the wrong.
A child with a predominant "naughty" streak will needless to say learn to say that he or she is sorry very quickly and will also learn how to charm their way out of situations. They learn that social approval does not necessarily come from always being right, and their sense of self is not pinned upon how they act or what they do. They learn that they are still liked and loved whether they are naughty or good.
On the other hand a child who predominantly attempts to be good and to please the parents or adults will be naughty less often. They fear being in the wrong. They fear being told off and they hate to have to admit that they are wrong; to have to say "I'm sorry" is a very loathsome thing indeed. Their sense of self can also become heavily dependent upon what they do and achieve instead of upon other inner qualities. There is likely to be an ongoing subconscious fear that if they are naughty or bad they will no longer be loved.
This can trigger a lifelong cycle of effect. The desire to please and to be good makes this child work harder and try to achieve more. The more they achieve the more they expect, although they may think that it is more what others expect of them. Circumstances where they need to say "I'm sorry" are rarely encountered and so they never quite learn to be comfortable in this situation.
This child is quite likely to become a very successful adult who appears very secure and comfortable in their world. But underneath this exterior there may well remain a little child who fears that to say "I'm sorry" would threaten their sense of social approval or indicate a sign of weakness.
Real confidence has to be built from within. It does not just come from outer achievements. If you feel that you did not fully develop a sense of inner confidence during the process of growing up, hypnosis can be used to allow you to access and nurture your inner child.
Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis confidence mp3s.
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