Following your divorce,relationship break up or separation,you may be surprised and alarmed to experience both the strength and range of emotions that you are currently feeling.
You may notice that your emotions are different to other people who are separated. This appears, in part,to depend on who has ended the relationship- whether its you or your ex partner. The person who suggests the relationship is over may have had many months and often years to think about their decision,therefore they have travelled along the emotional road before their partner. They are also feeling different emotions, probably more guilt,relief and sadness , rather than the shock,rejection, anger, grief and confusion of the partner who is left.
Comment from "Mike", a participant in one of The Divorce Recovery Cent re's "Recovery" workshops who went through his own Separation and Divorce, and who kindly agreed to share his experiences and insights and to appear on the "Recovery" DVD Set we recently produced :
"When i hear about relationships between people , or marriages, whatever the case may be, breaking up, for whatever reason, i feel for them-i really do, because i know the pain they are going to go through-everyone goes through it in one way,shape or form. Initially one will hurt more than the other,in the beginning, normally the "dumpee", the person that gets left behind. The person that leaves, the"dumper",thinks they've done the right thing, and they may have. But at some period of time, maybe at a later stage ,they go through a lot of pain too-in my case 18 months later and i just couldn't appreciate how that could happen: that after 18 months of me making the "decision",i was the dumper, thinking I'd "moved on" and living in what i thought was my own "single man's paradise",after 18 months i found myself falling apart. So i empathize with people-i think we all suffer through it (a relationship breakdown).
It may help you to know,that its very normal for newly separated people to sigh a lot,to feel in a daze.They also sometimes talk much more than normal or say nothing. Sometimes they eat much more and other times they wont eat at all. Its very normal for you to feel as though you are the only single person at the movies or on the beach and that everyone is looking at you. You may feel anxious or scared.You may have trouble sleeping, have a knot in your stomach,or feel empty inside.
You may have trouble trusting people. Newly Separated people sometimes feel they are going crazy.They can cry unexpectedly. All these emotions are very normal.They come and they go.They gradually lessen. Eventually they are forgotten.
At the early stages of your break up,divorce or separation you are probably asking questions like "how can i get over my break up","how can i move on after my separation","how can i feel better after my divorce"etc .The Divorce Recovery Centre was established to support and assist people in your situation. Our experience shows that the "Recovery" process of overcoming the strong emotions felt, following a relationship break up,separation or divorce is a gradual process . Key elements of this "Recovery"process include education , sharing with others in a similar situation, greater understanding, increased self esteem, acceptance,and learning new skills . This exciting, revitalising route, takes hard work and commitment , however the benefits are yours for life! We created my DVD Set "Recovery"to offer people the skills to heal and create a new, fulfilled and complete life. The 3 DVD "Recovery" Set is a very reassuring , interactive and moving guide to help YOU in your "Recovery" process .The Recovery DVD set is unique , we think ,in allowing many people unable to attend our groups and workshops ,to participate in a healing divorce recovery program. Viewers consistently comment that they no longer feel alone in their feelings and experiences after viewing the "Recovery" DVD Set and feel more optimistic about their future.This ,alone, i feel,makes the project very worthwhile and gratifying. Please visit our website for further articles and information on the 'Recovery' DVD Set.