Some speakers at a wedding become so petrified with fear at their impending speech that they actually cannot begin to enjoy themselves until after they have finished speaking. This is a real shame, because we build things up in our minds to be far worse than reality.

The truth is that even seasoned public speakers can feel nervous – politicians, businessmen and celebrities alike. They didn’t all wake up one morning and say, ‘just as well I was born a great public speaker, and otherwise I wouldn’t be able to do my job!’ The most successful public speakers learn to harness their nerves and use them to their advantage.

Preparation for public speaking doesn’t just involve practicing the words you say. You can also ensure you are physically and mentally prepared to give your speech. As you stand up your body will be in ‘fight or flight’ mode – which means that your heart will be beating fast, you may start to perspire, adrenalin will be pumping around your body and your voice may be quivering. You may also notice that your knees are knocking, your hands are shaking and there are ‘butterflies’ in your stomach. This adrenalin is actually a good thing! If you were too relaxed it would be much more difficult to give an impassioned speech. Adrenalin is an asset to public speaking but the trick is to learn how to use it rather than to fear it.

Remember that the solemn part of a wedding is the exchange of vows at the ceremony, and the reception and speeches are the celebration of the marriage. So you don’t have to be too formal. When you first stand up, it’s important to scan around the room to establish eye contact with people. This will immediately involve your audience.

Take a few deep breaths before you start. This will allow people to settle in the room and will ensure that their attention is on you. If in doubt, think one, one thousand, two, two thousand, three, three thousand and smile. Everyone in the room is interesting in hearing what you’re about to say. So if you smile they’re bound to smile back, which will instantly make you feel more at ease. If you are feeling more confident later on in your speech, you can even refer to people in the room by name (although don’t single them out in an embarrassing way!)

Use Prompts You may want to learn your speech by heart, but to keep prompts available in case you forget what to say next. It is advisable, if you are using a prompt, to use a number of small cards rather than one or two full size pieces of paper. There are two reasons for this: you are less likely to start reading verbatim (which is much less entertaining as your voice loses some of its natural rhythm) and if you’re very nervous people close to you will be able to see the piece of paper shaking!

This brings us to the next point, what to do with your hands. Gentlemen remember your school days: it’s not polite to shove your hands in your pockets. If you’re holding your notes, don’t shuffle them or fidget too much on your feet. You probably won’t have a lectern, but if you do rest your arms on it without turning your knuckles white. If you’re not using a prompt for your speech, clasp your hands together loosely in front of you but not so tightly that you look like you’re wringing them in despair. If there is a microphone, make sure you hold it away from your mouth. You shouldn’t be able to take a bite out of it. The trick is to imagine that your voice is flowing over the microphone while it captures the essence of your voice. Volume is not a substitute for personality – you should still speak with your usual character. If the microphone starts to squeal, you could say, "If I wanted feedback, I would have asked for it." If you aren’t using a microphone, try to focus on someone three quarters of the way towards the back of the room and imagine you’re talking only to them. This will ensure that you speak at an audible volume without shouting.

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