"It's not what you say, but the way you say it?" Ever heard that one? Well, I think both are important.
When you ask a person how they are, and they reply in a down and complaining voice, "Okay, I suppose," how does that make you feel?
Consider your own response when someone asks you how you are. Then imagine how your response affects the other person. Because our attitudes not only affect how we feel, they affect everyone around us.
So, the question is: How do you sound to others? How do you come across to them? Not just your words, but the energy behind the words, the feelings, the emotions that you radiate with your words.
Its so tempting to complain, and so addictive, and, honestly, sometimes it feels really good to do so. But, it's counterproductive. It's got you focusing on what you don't want, not on what you want. According to the Law of Attraction, that will just bring more of what you don't want into your life. Those things you don't want that you may be focusing on become the only things you can see. Your life then seems consumed with the very things you do NOT want. It's also very damaging to your self esteem to complain all the time, it really wears you out on so many levels.
How much complaining do you do? You might not realize how much or how you are coming across to others in your discussions.
Spend a few days really listening to yourself and jotting down notes. Then get a close friend or loved one to help you with this, if you can. Someone you know you can trust to be honest with you. It might even be good to get someone from work and someone who sees you only in your personal life, as you're likely to act a bit differently in those settings. Tell them you want to learn so you can change how you act with others. Make it safe for them to give you honest feedback.
Ask these questions:
How do you sound to them?
How they feel when you answer the question: How are you?
How do others, from what your friend has seen, seem to react to your words and attitudes? Included in here can be how others have commented to your friend about you (no telling who said what, just the types of things. Remember, this is a learning experience for you and needs to be a safe place for your friend).
How does your friend feel when he/she is around you, compared to before and after your time together?
Ask about different situations -- how do you sound at a party, at a small gathering, when you're alone with this person, in a business meeting?
From that information, notice:
Are you complaining all the time?
Are you listing a lot of negative things from your past that may or may not have any relevance to today?
Are you a good listener, or are you always doing the talking? And, if you're always doing the talking, is it always about yourself or complaints about the political situation or the economy?
Take this to heart. Is this how you intend to come across to others? If so, great!
If not, see if you can take one small thing from this feedback, one topic or one type of situation and improve on it in the new week or so. Focus on what you want, talk about where you're going, your dreams, your desires, not where you've been, unless it's to express appreciation for it.
All of us feel uplifted by kind and pleasant people. Take a small step today to become more like them!