"Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally." Eckhart Tolle

I don't know about you, but when I first studied the above quote from Tolle, years ago, I fought it for a very long time. To me, acceptance meant saying it was OK, that I approved of the situation. How could I accept these totally unacceptable things in my life? I just couldn't.

However, I have since found out that acceptance of what is has nothing to do with saying it’s right or proper or should continue. It has nothing to do with condoning the actions of others. It has to do with finding inner peace. With observing the circumstance as it is and accepting that it is actually happening now, or has in fact happened in the past. No judgment. The person or situation is just allowed to be.

Then, from that place of acceptance grows the ability to move forward and make a change in whatever parts of it you can and want to change. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. But if you are capable of doing something, you would be doing it from a place of acceptance of what is in the moment. You would be coming from a much calmer, more peaceful place, a much more clear-headed place, from which to act.

Right now, think about your life and choose one "unacceptable" thing that has happened or is happening. Small steps. Make it something fairly small at first. Then, focus on it, without labels, just focus on the situation, the memory, the person, whatever comes up.

Where can you feel it within your body? What part of your body changes in some way (contracts, tingles, or becomes uncomfortable) as you begin this exercise? Put your attention there, breathe into it, relax into it, realize that this is a part of your life. It has happened, it is happening. Calmly feel the feelings, the sensations, without labeling them.

Remember, don't make them wrong, don't even call them pain or discomfort or a 'sick feeling,' don't call it fear, anger or grief, no labels! Most importantly, see if you can just let go of the resistance to what is. Let go of the NO to this moment. Just drop it. You may be surprised by how quickly things shift and how quickly a greater measure of peace comes over you.

You may now actually be able to find new ways to perceive this situation or person. Place a new spin on it, if you will. And, from a place of acceptance, you will be able to more calmly take any action that seems appropriate in this moment.

The action step need not be directly related to the "wrong" or "bad" situation, either. It may be that you let it go from more than the emotional perspective. Perhaps you tear up pictures that remind you of the person or situation, or throw away the box of stuff from that last relationship that you can't remember why it's still around. It's up to you. What would help you feel better immediately?

Acceptance of what is in your life reduces your stress levels, permits you to think more clearly, to shift more of your awareness into the present moment.

So continue with it. Take baby steps. Be gentle with yourself. Just do what you can, what feels right to you, to feel better now. You're worth it!

©Kim O'Hara