Sex is a huge part of any married relationship and just like the relationship itself, sex goes through many different phases. I'm only going to focus on two main phases in this article; the "just got married" phase and the "just had kids" phase. Why? because I'm going through the just had kids phase so I'm finding it very relevant right now.

In fact, we can probably summarize the just got married phase and then skip right to the problem, sex after kids. When you are newly married, sex is a huge part of your relationship, but probably for different reasons than when the relationship matures. Things are still relatively new and you are both still exploring each other and building intimate bonds. This is great stuff especially since you still have the time to actually enjoy each other. You have the time to make sure both of your "needs" are met and even throw in a little cuddle time if you want to. I actually mean cuddling, not "cuddle" as defined by the housemates of Jersey Shore.

So you're growing with each other, learning and loving and life is pretty good. Then one day you decide it's time to grow your family.

Once you have kids things change dramatically and until you have kids you don't really understand how dramatic that change can be. There are so many factors that work against the physical intimacy of your married relationship. Most of them can be boiled down to time or the lack there of. I constantly find myself wondering what the hell I used to do with all my free time. I do know that I appreciate it now that it's gone.  In my life with kids there are literally days where I cannot go to the bathroom by myself.

So, you can imagine that when kids are young, keeping the flame alive is no easy task. Lack of sleep, busy days, constant distraction and the complete loss of personal priorities are just some of the obstacles working against your marital ties. I don't want to underplay these items either. When I say lack of sleep, I mean you could very well be functioning on 2 to 3 hours of sleep per night if you're unlucky. Try not to hate your husband while you watch him snore away while you're trying to rock a screaming baby to sleep. I also didn't realize how busy days could be when you're staying home with kids. It's not the same as working an 8 or 10 hour day and then coming home - It's ten times harder! With your kids needs always coming first there is precious little time for your needs.

So, where does that leave you?

It leaves you exhausted, absolutely physically and emotionally drained. You're spread way too thin to even care about sex. However, the sexual aspect of your relationship is still very important and must be attended to. Once you have kids, it's more important than ever to work as a team and make an effort to carve out a few precious moments alone.

If you find yourself at home with a 2 year old and a 5 month old you might believe this to be impossible. It's true, you can pretty much kiss your freedoms goodbye, but here are a couple things that I've started using to keep the spark alive.

Use your relatives!

If you have family close, use them. Set a date night, lunch, whatever you want to call it, but drop the kids off and find your way to the bedroom. Even if you can get a couple hours alone you will at least be able to work in a little foreplay. To really maximize intimacy, I recommend trying out a couples vibrator. If you are like me, limited on time, this really does the trick!

Take full advantage of nap time.

If you don't have relative near by, I have the deepest sympathy for you. Maybe you can interview a babysitter if you feel comfortable with that. If not, get creative with nap times. If you have two young children this gets much harder, but it's still possible.

When you have young children you really learn what maximizing your time truly means. You have to take advantage of opportunities as they arise. As children become your priority, distance between you and your spouse is easily created. Intimacy that used to be effortless is now going to require a little work to maintain, but it's worth it. Don't forget, if you need a little more excitement or a jump start, you can always introduce an intimacy enhancing product, such as a vibrator for women. Kids are important, but don't neglect your spouse or ignore your own needs. Finding the right balance will make family life much more enjoyable.