Have you found out that your spouse has been cheating on you? Has that discovery torn your marriage apart and left you absolutely panic-stricken with no idea of what to do next?
Are you trying to determine if it is worth trying to save your marriage? Will you be able to ever forgive them for breaking their most solemn vows. Is it even possible to move on and heal from this unfaithfulness?.
One of THE most difficult and challenging issues you will have to face up to is forgiving your partner for their unfaithfulness. Forgiving is one of the most crucial ingredients if you ever hope to heal and move on with your life. The first thing to consider is "what does forgiving really mean?"
No doubt you feel crushed at this moment in time and are understandably uncertain whether or not you can forgive and forget. The fact that you doubt whether or not you are capable of forgiveness is a very understandable reaction. You will be hesitant to take the chance that you may be hurt again in the future. "Can I expose myself to the chance that my spouse may be unfaithful again?"
All these questions are completely valid and understandable.. You need to recognize that forgiveness is not a simple concept. So what does forgiveness actually mean?
The society in which we have been brought up in defines forgiveness in terms of a single revelatory act whereby one partner unselfishly declares that they have forgiven their partner. They have put the infidelity behind them and are ready to move forward with their relationship.
This is a completely unrealistic expectation given the hurt and anger that is being experienced.. As a result of this people often perceive themselves as unworthy when they seem unable to forgive those who have hurt them. Everybody is different. Everybody deals with forgiveness in their own way and in their own time. It is personal to them.
There is nothing wrong with not being able to forgive someone who has cheated on you so do not judge yourself too severely. This will only make you feel frustrated. Adding another emotion to what already is a highly toxic mix will only make a difficult situation more difficult. However, if you can look at an alternative concept of forgiveness, all sorts of possibilities open up to you. What we are talking about is the idea of acceptance.
We can characterize acceptance as "the willingness or ability to put up" with events in your life.. With this in mind the first thing you must do is accept that what happened did in fact happen. Acceptance doesn't have to mean that you condone or are happy with what has occurred. It does mean that you acknowledge it happened and that you accept all the feelings and emotions that that entails.
Acceptance is the first of many building blocks that you can put in place to ultimately move towards forgiveness. Acceptance is a more practical solution that affords you the ability to build towards forgiveness and not have you feel you are required to make one single declaration of forgiveness.