If you feel that your marriage is in trouble then you may well be looking for marriage counseling but where do you start? It is a bit of a minefield out there.
In every walk of life we all come across someone who has loads of qualifications, diplomas, degrees, you name it, but some of those people have zero people skills and regrettably the counseling field is no exception. That counsellor your friend went to see? Well, guess what, that one might not work for you, although recommendations are a good place to start.
Whilst you might not have the energy to think about what might be suitable for you, particularly if you marriage is very rocky, it is important to get some idea of the sorts of counseling available in your area. There are lots of different methods and mixes and it would do you no harm to have a brief look at what a particular method may involve before you commit.
You may have to accept that some types of counseling and yes, some counsellors, might not be for you. If you feel awkward acting out scenarios or talking about your mother and some counselling methods involve this, even though you may think it has nothing to do with your present predicament then do check what you are getting yourself into before you decide which method might suit you.
One of the most important things to look for from counseling is the ability of the counsellor to empower you to make those important decisions to improve the quality of your relationship or if necessary to be able to end the relationship in a positive way. Counseling is a paid for tool and there is a tendency for some counsellors to allow you to talk week after week, without actually enabling you to deal with the issues you face.
So, decide what you actually want to achieve in your counseling sessions before heading off to that first appointment. If you just want to talk, then there will be no shortage of counsellors who will allow you to do that but you really need to be given the tools you need to be able to make decisions and take action for yourself.
Also, what do you want from your marriage? Yes, you might need some counseling to help you make that decision but do consider where you and your partner are at the moment and think where you might want the relationship to go. Your main motivation may be to try and save your marriage but you might have to come to terms with the fact that might not be possible.
Are you thinking of taking this counseling journey on your own? That is often the most disappointing aspect of these situations. Whilst it is certainly possible to save your relationship on your own, if your spouse or partner is not prepared to engage with the process, that can make it a lot more difficult to get to a stage where you might think the relationship is secure. Once you start the counseling journey, particularly if you are on your own, there might be some issues ahead of you and some tough decisions to make.