The Pain of Beginning Again
Let's face it there are times that we all have had to start all over. The idea of beginning something again can be terrifying. The thought of all the efforts of planning and trying to re-call, re-connect and re-establish can be exhausting. However,when the passion of what you lost outweighs the pain of starting again…you go for it.
I recently experienced this myself. All of my notes, recordings, scripts, connection etc…gone in one exchange. I felt lost,devastated and totally frustrated. All that I had accumulated over 25 years was gone in less than 30 minutes.
At first I took it as a sign that it just was not meant to be. Then a recalled a famous quote from an extraordinary book that stated,"A good man or woman falls seven times; but the strong one gets back up and begins again." So I began to write again, reconnect again and even establish new friends and networks. I discovered the new things I was writing, the new connections I made and the new friends I discovered were the exact things I needed to propel me into my next level of living.
I realized I established a life of comfort that kept me around the same mindset of people who were literally suffocating the life out of me. I wanted more but did not know how to go out and get it. I’d established relationships with people over the years; many of whom I had not spoken to in over 10 years. All of my writings were based only on what I ever experienced and people I’ve ever met. I must inject here; I’ve met some exceptional people in my life, some of whom are still very intricately involved in my life today. However, I became very comfortable with my surroundings and friendships and I did not look elsewhere for new connections and friendships.
I soon understood that most of my failure to launch into anything new was fear and fear of rejection. However, the fact that I lost access to my old writings, friendships and connections so suddenly, forced me to come out of my "bubble" and "Start All over Again." There are times our loyalty and commitment to others visions and dreams will lock us into a life that keeps us in a systematic life of going in circles but never achieving our own dreams.
In cases like this, I believe things are disrupted in our lives to get us so frustrated that it will cause us to look in another direction. In my case, I was not reading the writing on the wall and so I was forced to change the direction I was going in order to really see the best that was ahead of me.
There are three main life challenges that I want to talk about that sometimes can cause us to stop dead in our tracks and refuse to begin again. However, we have to push past the pain of starting over again and become willing to start a fresh new start with new people, new ideas and possibly a new location.
3 Life Challenges That Force You Begin Again
1. Traumatic Life Experiences - Whether it is a death of a loved one, a divorce, or a sickness that changed your life forever; there comes a time where this too shall pass. After the dust of the pain has withered away and you realize you actually survived the very thing you thought would kill you…you suddenly understand...you must move on. You have to begin again. Traumatic experiences sometime leaves a lot of emotional pain that makes it even more difficult to work through the memories of the pain you had to endure. The fear of dating again, opening yourself up to trust again or believing you can go on without the one you’ve loved for so many years is emotionally draining.
When it comes to emotional healing…It can sometimes be so frustrating, because you feel that you are never getting to the root of the problem. Normally, the tears are so great it causes you to throw the onion down and walk away. But don't let the tears keep you away from your healing. Instead, be encouraged; deeply rooted hurts are embedded within and are not uprooted easily. You must return to the thing that brought most tears and deal with the layers of your pain.
Our emotional healing is like the "peeling of an onion." The outer layer is big. This represents the most recent memory of your hurt that brought the most tears. As you peel down the layers, the tears begin to lesson. By the time you get to the core of the onion you discover the thing that caused you the most tears and pain is not even something you can hold in your hand. Suddenly, all the layers of your pain are gone and the tears have faded away. Go ahead and let the healing begin…Peel the Onion.
2. Loss of a Business, Job or Home - Many of us experienced the unannounced "pink slip let down." Losing a job as the major bread winner of your home is devastating. The worry of how you are going to tell the family that the life they have become accustomed to is going to change dramatically. The possibility that you may lose your home, car, and great school system you worked so hard to maintain has become a reality.
The thought of practicing another 30 second elevator pitch, revamping resumes, attending interview after interview is exasperating. Looking for a new home, a new school for the kids and even a new car all are life changing events that you wish to avoid forever.
Nevertheless, you finally accept that you must do it all again. However, it’s this kind of life changing experience that may help you realize your true passion and purpose in life. You see my passion has always been to help others become all they are called to be in life. However, I was trapped in a "job" that kept me too busy to pursue my passion.
I finally realized my contract ending was a blessing in disguise, because I realized my passion to own my business, spend quality time with my family and help those in my community in their transitions in life from divorce, sickness, incarceration was more pressing. Because my passion was greater than my fear of starting all over again…I took a step of faith and began to walk towards my dreams and visions.
I soon became thankful for losing my job rather than being resentful. The loss of a job forced me to look in another direction. I was forced to start writing again, make new connections, network with new people and businesses and come out of my comfort zone.
3. Fear of Rejection - Suffering loss in any capacity tends to leave us feeling rejected. The fear of hearing the word "no" over and over again does something to our psychology of thinking. The fact of the matter is we’ve been there, done that and we conquered. However, recalling the efforts and time it took to conquer makes one feel that you have no more energy to tread through the mud of pushing past the no, the naysayers, the negative people and still believe in yourself.
It just does not seem like it's worth the efforts it will take to try and conquer again. Believe me, I know, as I’m approaching the "baby boomer" club, my energy level is much lower than I thought. However, my "why" is much bigger than the "no" and the rejection. I have a legacy that I need to leave with my children and failure or giving up is not one of them.
There are of course, many more life challenges that hinder our ability to start all over again.
The end result is…if you want to achieve your life goals and leave the legacy for your family as you desire; you have to push past the pain and begin again.
So here are some principles to help you start again.
1. Rediscover Yourself: Before you launch again take time to rediscover yourself. Self-awareness is a key element to beginning again. Discover what caused you to "fail" before and make a conscious decision to listen to others who know what they are doing. Then, choose not to make the same mistake again that caused you to suffer loss before. This does not apply to those who suffered a death; however, if the loss caused you to go into deep depression and prevented you from going forward for an extensive amount of time, then there is certainly something you can rediscover about yourself.
2. Walk through the Open Door: Realize there is always a silver lining. See the glass as half full rather than seeing it as half empty. Every closed door suggests there is an open door somewhere. You just have to be willing to find it and walk through it. Many opportunities await you. Believe that change is inevitable and sometimes good. Don’t be afraid of what you don’t know or have experience in. You have the capability of learning.
3. Tackle the Fear; Don’t Run From It: Acknowledge the fact that you are fearful,push past the "onion", peel it and start again. Fear will always be a part of life. Though it is not something we embrace, but we do contend with it every day of our lives. A book I recommend every entrepreneur to read is written by Susan Jeffers "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway."
I hope this reading helps those who are dealing with life challenges and needed a bit of encouragement to start again. These are my daily affirmations, because let’s face it, we've all dealt with set-backs in our careers, on our jobs, in our businesses and certainly in our relationships.
There comes a time we have to face the honest truth that we may have to re-group, re-vamp and even re-brand our image. But the truth remains, we all have to start again at some point in our lives.
Like Nike "Just Do It." So whatever it is, whether it’s a new job, business, relationship, education, weight loss etc. Let every set-back become your motivation to "Start Again"