Some decisions for your children are better in many ways; a (divorce) or break-up is better than staying in an unhappy family. You need to make your kids feel that – "It’s okay to have mixed emotions; your children shouldn’t hesitate to open up their feelings in front of you."
In a marriage, where you had spent 15 or 20 years together, there are certain problems that might come over time. If you don’t agree, share or how you feel with your partner then, your relation might come to halt which would end up in a complex divorce.
According to the NY Times, "The rate in Dallas-Fort Worth, by contrast, soared from 6.5 in 1970 to 8.2 in 1979. The divorce rate is steadily rising in recent years, becoming a significant social problem. Many studies showed that the divorce has a negative impact on children, but there are many different interpretations of the consequences of this situation on children’s lives.
• Signs to understand whether your child is struggling through your divorce:
Talking about divorce it is quite difficult especially if it involves having children, every parent who considers divorce expects their children to survive the separation so might you too; and to be true, it is the fact that kids are the ones who suffer a lot during such complex situations. Kids do not want their parents to be separated as when such things happen kids feel stressed out and face emotional trauma. Now the question that arises is how children are affected by divorce?
Here are some ways where you can find whether your child is struggling through your divorce:
• Behavioral patterns:
You can find out that your child is struggling or not by just keeping a mental check on his/her behavioral pattern; you can physically see things like they might start peeing on the bed, having nightmares and refusing to sleep alone in the room, etc.
If you see this sign it’s time for you to be beside your child so he/she doesn’t have to face any emotional breakdown.
• Falling sick:
I have personally seen that kids tend to fall sick during these situations; they can develop an illness like cold, fever, anxiety which is normal due to change of their eating patterns, consumption of food. Even you’ve seen that when your kids don’t feel good they tend to ignore food and make excuses, exactly goes the answer.
In order words, their food habits change which results in them to feel sick which is terrible; as looking at your own child falling sick is not at all a good thing for parents like us to watch.
This is mostly where kids feel a more powerful connection towards one parent than the other. In order words kids are innocent; they don’t know what is good and bad for them and they might fall in manipulation technique of parents’ by taking the side of one parent unnecessarily.
Not always but in some cases, yes. What you could do is take care of your child, make them feel loved and worth and provide them assurance that no matter what you’d still be with them.
There are signs of insecurity and worrying about their parents within the kids. And it is common; as they suffer a lot mentally there might be situations where they rebel against you or any of you, school, their personal life, etc.
Not always is the case, that the child will display the same signs of struggles with each parent. It varies as every child has its own way of surviving through such instances.
• Tips to save your child from the negative impacts of your separation:
After understanding these signs you can understand that how much your child is suffering and now what as in you as a parent can help your kids to cope up with such situations. Your child needs to know that both of you as in ‘parents’ would love your kids the same even if you don’t stay together or in any case you both will be there for your kids good and bad days.
Here are some tips to save your child from facing any emotional trauma:
• Child Reassurance:
You need to make it a point that you give your children the assurance that you love them and it wouldn’t change no matter what. It is difficult as it will be being open and honest with your child giving them reassurance and detailing on what is going to change will help your child to comprehend what’s the current scenario is.
You’ve had to make a reliable and consistent arrangements to spend time with your children and you can do it like get together, meet-ups, ask them their health, medical check-ups, plan outings, etc. not necessarily it has to be formal; think what your child loves and would like and try to get time from your regular schedule and spent time with them.
• Your Child Shouldn’t Be Asked For Taking Any Sides:
The most senseless thing you can do for your child is to take your side. Like "NO" definitely a no question. You should never ask your children to take any sides for any matter. The reason is it includes criticizing the other parent or trying to elicit information about the other parent from the child.
It brings negativity, also it is very advisable to promote the positivity about another parent like don’t directly involve your child in conversations about the breakup especially financial implications or divorce proceedings."
• Your Child Shouldn’t Be Witnessing Any Fights, Arguments:
Research shows that whether parents stay together or go their separate ways, its parental conflict that has the most damage on children’s outcomes.
You should try to keep things as normal as possible although you aren’t couple anymore for your children you should try and work well together.
• Have A Healthy Communication:
Communication is the key to all problems. Here I feel you should talk to your child make him/her open up his feelings and thoughts to you, so you can understand what exactly they are going through and you can help them. Carrying out a divorce process is already tedious you definitely don’t want it to be more complex especially when you can take smalls steps and tackle it out.
They should feel free to ask any questions to you without any hesitation.
• Let Your Child Carry Out On Normal Routines:
This is a huge change in your lives so keeping routine is important. Try to make sure your child carries on with the same hobbies and seeing their friends, too.
Try to help your children in maintaining and carrying out their daily routines in normal days.