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Cross-cultural dating and marriages in China
Home Social Issues Dating
By: Anna Reco Email Article
Word Count: 1356 Digg it | Del.icio.us it | Google it | StumbleUpon it

  

The love story of Daria and Alvin

Daria and Alvin met online at one of the websites where people exchange languages. It was March of 2014 and at that time she was living in Harbin (Northern China) and he was living in Shanghai. They have started to exchanged letters and emails as friends. After several months they couldn't imagine life without each other’s messages. In the summer of 2014, he has convinced her to move to Shanghai. It was a very bold decision for her, to go alone to a huge city to a guy she has never met in real life, but it felt so right that she didn’t hesitate. She quit her job in Harbin, said goodbye to her friends and moved to Shanghai. Finally, the stars aligned for them as they met on 28th of August 2014 in Shanghai.

3 years later he proposed by the Mount Fuji while cherry trees were blooming. This was the most romantic place and the most romantic proposal she could ever imagine. Over the past 3 years, they have traveled extensively in Asia, adopted 2 cats and got married.

Questions to Her

On Our first date...
we visited the Bund in the evening, then went to one of the biggest parks in central Shanghai and spent the whole night sitting on the bench and talking until 4 am.

During the first months of dating my deal-breaker would be...
him pushing me to be intimate too soon, also if he would have no manners or appeared to be too boring.

I learned He is right for me when...
I get to know him better, I knew how ambitious and responsible he was. Also when I knew his views on life and plans, which were similar to my own plans.

I had culture shock when He...
got sick and refused to take pills, and said he just needed to drink more hot water!

Three things I love about Him are...
1. I love that he is a very talented artist. 2. I love that he has an awesome sense of humor and he makes me laugh all the time. 3. I love that he is a very open person when we are alone, he never hides his true feelings and being honest with me.

The biggest misconception about His country and culture was…
I used to think that China is not that developed, rather a poor country where people wear those triangle straw hats and growing rice. Apparently, Chinese big cities like Shanghai or Guangzhou are even more developed than most of the European cities.

The most beautiful thing He ever did for me was...
during my first week in Shanghai. I was living in the hotel and he would come to my hotel early in the morning before his work to bring me breakfast. That was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me.

During this relationship, the most important thing I learned about myself was...the fact that I should be more flexible. It is not that important to be all the time right and sometimes I should just back down to avoid unnecessary arguments and other problems.

If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Western girlfriends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be...
that you shouldn’t look for a life partner based on his/her race. I think if someone wants to be with you only because you’re white or Asian these relationships won’t last forever. We should look at person’s personality and soul first. And if your soul mate happened to be from a different culture the most important is to stay open-minded and embrace the different culture, no matter how unusual it might seem.

Questions to Him

Asking Her out for the first time was...
I was very nervous the whole evening, yet I felt like she was my oldest friend. We kept talking the whole night.

I learned She is right for me when...
There wasn’t one specific time, but those countless moments that overwhelmed me by how much I needed this person in my life. Those moments like she left a love note in my wallet before my business trip....

I had culture shock when She....
I have culture shock quite often, and that is why I am so attracted to her. It scares me how much she loves coffee and wine. Maybe this is not a cultural thing (we all know coffee and red wine are not in the Chinese culture), but I am more of a ‘hot water guy’. Drink more water, it is good for your health!

Three things I love about Her are...
1. Her compassion (she cries whenever we see a stray animal, and we have helped rescue many kittens and puppies including two of our own cats) 2. Her righteousness ( You never want to cut the line in front of her! ) 3. Her eyes!

The biggest misconception about Her country and culture was...
that Russian people drink vodka. Vodka is a Russian thing, but not everyone crazy about vodka in Russia....

The things that She likes to do for fun with me are...
traveling, watching movies, working out, reading, and all the things that couples do.

She hates when I...
This is a very difficult question because she is my biggest fan, she never hates what I do or say. No, I lied. Oh! She hates it when I lie. Also, She is our little miss ‘know-it-all’, so She hates it when I give unnecessary advice.

During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was...
Growing up as a Chinese, I could never imagine myself ending up with a girl from another country. Chinese family and education could be quite intense, so it didn’t allow me to slow down and appreciate the present and progress. It’s always about the result (exams, ranking in the school and class). It’s very different from my wife’s cultural background, where they grow up with friends and siblings, having fun and going on field trips all the time. There are the very different environment and values.
What I have learned from our relationship is to accept and respect these differences we have. It took us awhile to fully understand this, but now I am starting to appreciate the difference in people and culture even more. The fact is that we are all very different people, no matter the nationality or race, we will always be different. The moment when people start to realize this they could improve their relationship with anyone including friends, family or co-workers is very precious. This is how we create a connection, through our differences.

If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Asian friends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be...

to respect her because she is a special human being not just because she is a westerner. If you love her because of her racial background, it will disappoint you eventually. Her racial background could be something special that attracts you in the beginning, but there is so much more about a person than just this. Before you dive into the serious relationship, you should ask yourself if you see her as a woman just like no other or did you put the "Westerner tag" on her. If you are ready for the option 1 then let’s beat that stereotype together.

Enjoyed reading Daria and Alvin's love story? Follow me on Instagram to see more pictures of the AMWF couples!

I am Polish lifestyle blogger and traveler who, after 3 years in Beijing and 6 months in Taiwan, shares what it means to live, date and marry in Asia. Catch behind-the-scenes glimpses of real Chinese culture and be inspired by teachings of Confucius. annareco.com Follow me on Instagram to see some awesome pictures from Asia! My Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/annareco_lifestyle/

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http://www.articlebiz.com/article/1051642501-1-cross-cultural-dating-and-marriages-in-china/

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