It is just the way it is for some couples. After a while they canít feel their partner. They donít feel loved and actually believe their partner doesnít care about them. They feel like just roommates, two ships passing in the night. Others donít even see each other at night! They spend so little quality time together that they forget to show up to their relationship!
This is a huge phenomenon in relationships. I see this day in and out in my practice. Couples complain that they are stagnant, bored, deprived, running on empty, alone, lonely, and just plain disconnected. People get so busy in their routines and their lot in life that they forget to actually live their life and be in relationship!
I have seen couples do funny things with their schedules, routines, and responsibilities so that they have very little wiggle way to find mutual time. These couples run from one activity, event, engagement, responsibility to the next and collapse at the end of their day leaving no time or energy to being fully engaged with their partner. And, then they wonder how come they canít feel their partner!
We need to be available to ourselves and our partner in order for our relationship to be alive. When we have so many thoughts, concerns, and demands, we build a wall of preoccupation, stress, and inconsequentials around us that shelter us from intimacy. This wall keeps our true self in hiding. It gets harder and harder for our authenticity and our splendor to shine through when such a thick opaque glass surrounds us!
I envision these couples in thick opaque glass cocoons, sitting next to each other, talking and waving, but they canít hear or really see one another. Never mind touch one another! It is a scary site. We canít connect with someone we canít touchÖ I implore you to shed your protection and let your true self, your authenticity, brilliance, power, enigma, playfulness, sensuality and love shine through! When you are not guarded and protected, when you are not shut down (my clients love this phrase) and you are available to your partner, your relationship can start to feel alive.
Show-up to your relationship and feel your connection!!
~ Your MetroRelationshipô Assignment
Make a weekly date with your partner to just be with each other not doing (getting errands done, shopping, meeting others, discussing tasks or responsibilities, etc.). Discuss how you would like to be:
sharing a light meal and intimate thoughts
sipping tea and holding hands on a park bench
watching a sunset while snuggled up on a board walk
sitting in your living room with no TV, some candles and soft music on, and reminiscing about tender moments and good times
doing intimacy building exercises from the the couples companionĚ (refer to the resource section)
This is difficult to do when you are feeling disconnected. Just get into the habit and youíll start reaping the benefits real soon!
~ Share Your Thoughts & Successes in the comment box at the end!
Take a moment now to share below any thoughts, comments, take away, tips, and successes! PLEASE post a comment now Ė we grow in community!
Thanks for connecting with the MetroRelationshipô Family!
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship:tm: philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple :tm: content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected:tm: with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.