For lesbian moms, the concept of dating can seem overwhelming or scary. How will the women you date react to the fact that you have children? How will your children feel about the women you date? How soon should you introduce your kids to a woman you are dating? These are all common questions lesbian moms who date face. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers, but the following tips can help ease your mind and guide you through the process of dating as a lesbian mom.

1. Be honest with your dates. If you are looking for a long-term relationship, honesty is important. It is best to let a woman know on a first date, or even before you meet in person for the first time, that you are a mom. Many women simply do not like children, while others do not want to get involved with someone whose young children live at home. While this fact is unfortunate, it is best to find out as soon as possible how the woman will react and what her feelings are about dating someone with children. There is no point in developing feelings for someone who might ultimately reject you simply because you have kids.

2. Be honest with your kids. If your children are old enough to understand, and your goal is to find a long-term relationship with a woman, there is no good reason not to tell your kids you are dating. You do not necessarily need to introduce your kids to every woman you ever go on one date with, but hiding the fact that you are dating from your children will only feel like a betrayal to your kids in the long run.

3. Dating other lesbian moms may be easier. If your potential partner also has children, planning activities that involve the kids will not feel like an infringement or imposition for either of you. The kids will feel included, and you can learn earlier on whether or not your kids will like her and her kids will like you. Introducing your kids to hers, especially if both of your kids are the same ages, can also be fun. Younger children particularly enjoy having new playmates.

4. If the woman you are dating is not a mom, introduce her to the kids as soon as possible once both of you feel like the relationship might have lasting potential. Many moms choose to wait months to introduce the person they are dating to their children, and meanwhile develop strong feelings and attachment in the relationship, only to find out the kids and new woman are the incompatible factor which will ultimately break up the relationship. If the goal is to eventually share your life and even your home with someone, everyone has to get along or at least be willing to try. Finding out the compatibility sooner rather than later can save a lot of unnecessary heartache.

5. Allow for time to adjust. Lesbian relationships involving kids are no different than heterosexual relationships where one or both people have kids from a previous relationship. While young children tend to adapt to a new person fairly quickly, older children, especially teens, can take a while to adjust. Preteen and teenagers often will seem to despise anyone you bring home, simply because they are jealous of sharing your affection with another person.

A common fear of lesbian moms who date is what if the kids get attached to a woman or her children, and then the relationship ends. This is a concern of most dating moms, gay or straight. Although such situations do happen and can be painful for everyone involved, this is generally a risk that has to be taken in order to find lasting love. There are no guarantees in any relationship, but with a little luck and a lot of commitment, you can find happiness with a partner both you and your kids will love.