No matter how your own life will go after separation with your ex-spouse, the most precious and fragile thing left with you are your children. Whatever you’re going to do after divorce, your children are with you. They need to be taken care of under any circumstances. They need to be protected from another possible emotional shock in their young lives.

That’s why before considering starting to date again after divorce, you should very carefully think about this, taking into account your children’s interests and protection.

Let’s talk about where your children are emotionally after the divorce of their parents. What are their fears, their expectations, their hopes. What do you need to do to help them grow and be healthy after this painful experience. To protect them from another possible stress.

Generally, after the divorce of their parents, children are either distressed or angry. They do not have the experience to hide their sincere feelings inside, so you can see and tell by your child’s reaction how he feels.

However, quiet children require more attention - they respond to adversity by withdrawing emotionally or freezing. These quiet children may be more distressed, and need more help, than children whose emotional upset is obvious.

Children look for protection, unknowingly seeking help from you. So this period, right after divorce, may be crucial for all future relationships between you and your child. How you behavior and level of attention you grant to your child right now, will make a difference how he or she feels, and what kind of personality they will be grown into.

Though, you need to take care of yourself first, and stabilize your own emotional conditions. Your children need to see and hear that you are self-confident and full of life. This is the best motivation for you to get there – your own children need it. I recall a comparison, which I’ve read somewhere – in an emergency, the first rule of safety on an airplane is "put the oxygen mask on your face first", otherwise you will not be able to help your child.

I think it’s very true. They might look like they’re not listening, but they do see everything. Your behavior, your actions, voice, emotions, literally everything. This is a model your children will most likely adopt and follow.

You should be aware, that children most often feel either guilt for the divorce of their parents or fear of loosing a second parent.

This is the time you need to pay very special attention to your children. Despite the fact you’re busy with your job and a new relationship. Busy with your own feelings – find special time for you children. They must feel loved and special like they have never felt before.

Never give promises to your children not to date anymore. You can’t guarantee it to yourself, don’t cheat, even if you’re not going to. Keeping your promises lets your children know that they can trust you, which will help them adjust to your divorce more easily.

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