You might say something like, "I love you" (or "like you", or "respect you", depending on the relationship involved) "very much, but I need my self-esteem back so that I can love" (or "like" or "respect") "myself as well, and make this whole relationship work better."

Next, in your mind, reach out and take the box of matches from them, with a smile -- if it's someone you love, you might want to add a kiss, for good measure. Now see yourself being in that person's company quite calmly, and that person looking at you with respect and admiration.

Use this technique as many times as you like until you find that you can deal with people easily and comfortably, and you no longer react so strongly and so painfully to what they say or do.

As long as you are really working on removing any reasonable causes for annoyance they might have with you, you should find that their behavior will start to change.

There are very few people who will ever take you at any higher valuation than they see you placing on yourself -- but most will also recognize when that valuation rises, and will see the need to treat you more respectfully.

The best use for your mind's internal box of matches is to let your own light shine.

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