There is a common pattern I see many women have which is a need to be nice. Women who are nice all the time and don't ever say anything that may offend someone and always say the nice right thing. Often times, women will not be honest or direct about what they think or feel because they believe it is rude. I believe a big part of this development comes from cultural and familial experience. A lot of women are trained to be nice and suppress their feelings and speaking their truth.

It has been my experience that women are taught to be nice because there is a belief that being direct and assertive is unattractive. Also women are taught that being nice gets them approval and to be liked by others. I have found that many women do not feel confident or deserving enough to speak the truth. They also have a misconception that being honest and speaking their truth is being rude or too aggressive.

Having manners is important, but what I am discussing here is women who are extremely nice because they feel that is how they should behave. And as a result, suppress sharing their true feelings and thoughts. You are not being honest and straight with people when you just say things that are nice and make you look good. If you are with holding the truth you are actually being inauthentic.

I also see women who devalue their self-worth by being nice to people who are not treating them respectfully. I remember in the past I would do this too. I cared more about people liking me than being honest and expressing my discomfort or anger, so I would keep it in and be nice. If someone was rude or not being respectful of me I would still be very nice to them because I felt a duty to be nice. I know many women who are like this.

I saw the cost that being nice had on me and my life. It ate away my self-esteem and my self-confidence. I also harbored a lot of resentment toward myself and others. I was not fully self-expressed. I did not know how to be honest or speak my truth, especially in dating and career. I was so trained to stuff my emotions and opinions down.

A good way to overcome this pattern, is to get clear on what your motivations are for being really nice to people. If you want the approval and acceptance of people by being very nice than you probably are getting a lot of your self-worth and value from people and how they treat and respond to you.

I am still nice and I enjoy being warm toward people. What is different about me now than in the past, is that now I am not nice to win approval or because I think it is the right thing to do. I CHOOSE to be nice and do nice because it brings me joy. There is a big difference between the two. One comes from a place of empowerment and choice. The other comes from sense of duty or obligation and needing validation. When you are nice because you feel you are supposed to be, you are probably carrying around a lot of resentment and anger toward people and yourself.

Page 1 of 2 :: First | Last :: Prev | 1 2 | Next