d. Don't Dwell Upon the Past

The only valid criticism is for the future. What the child did is over. You should acknowledge the mistake but make it clear that the reason you are speaking to your child is so that he can improve in the future.

4- Offer an Opportunity to Correct the Wrong

Your child has to know what he did was wrong. He should also be given the opportunity to redeem himself by correcting his mistake. You should have suggestions how the child can correct the wrong. This will give your child the message that he can't hurt others and just walk away. He must say he's sorry or do the victim a favor. It gives him a chance to take responsibility for his actions. It also allows him to put the misdeed behind him and go on.

5- Deliver the Criticism with Love

This is vital. Criticism is a gift. It is a gift of knowledge, it is a gift of values. But it is an unwanted gift. Still, it is a gift nevertheless. No one wants to hear criticism. Our goal when we give criticism is to do it as painlessly as possible so it will be received properly.

It must be clear when you deliver your message that you are doing it for your child's sake. If your child knows that what you are saying is because you love him, the message will be better received.

If you are angry, all the child will hear is the anger. The message that comes through is, "You don't like me." Nothing else will be heard. You must make it clear to your child that you are criticizing because you care about him. You cannot let the message get blurred out by the static of your emotions.

This is not easy. It is easy to write about it and to read this when no one is around and things are calm. It is much harder to apply this idea when there is a tumult going on and the tensions are high. Still we have to acknowledge at least the proper way to do things. Or else we will never be successful.

6- Try to See Your Child's Point of View

We as parents are not faced with the same challenges as our children. This leads to a very reasonable response, at least in the mind of the child, to think, "Who are you to criticize me? How do you know what I am going through? You don't understand me."

This is a legitimate response. Your child doesn't see you as a former child. Your child sees you as a stable adult. Now, you may understand your child perfectly, but your child doesn't know that. It helps when you give criticism to visualize things from your child's perspective and couch your words is such a way that your child knows clearly you understand him.

7- Sometimes it is Better to Delay the Criticism

We have a knee jerk reaction to respond immediately when we see our children do something that we don't like. This is a normal reaction. However, you should always ask yoursef if this is the best time and place to rebuke your child.

When your child does something wrong he will be expecting the criticism right away. When the child is expecting the reaction, his guard is up he will react by defending himself and fighting back. He will not hear what you say and he will be defending himself.

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