Zen: Finding enlightenment through intuition and introspection.

Listening: Making an effort to attentively hear what another person is saying.

Therefore Zen Listening might be best described as an enlightened art of using one’s intuition and introspection to be fully present with another person during a conversation for the purpose of thoroughly hearing and understanding the other person’s communication. Why is this so important? Because when you thoroughly listen, you create a very powerful communication dynamic that deepens your relationships and creates powerful boundaries at the same time. A Zen Listener has the ability to eliminate the potential of unnecessary conflict and to create a more powerful presence. I invite you to become a more powerful communicator through Zen Listening.

Zen Listening includes, but is not limited to, the following dynamics:

* Letting go of your own agendas, opinions, judgments, and/or advice. * Being present with the other person and disconnecting from your own thoughts. * Inviting the other person to say more. * Asking for clarification when you are unclear about what is being said. * Offering understanding when you really get what the other person is conveying. * Being an objective listener and observer since this is all about understanding (and not at all about agreeing). There is no right or wrong. * Letting go of criticism. * Listening with all your senses and your intuition to really get a thorough experience of the other person’s communication. * And when in doubt, asking the other person what it is that they would like from you. If they request input or advice, then feel free to offer such, but if not, then be prepared to offer your best Zen Listening.

Unfortunately none of us had an Interpersonal Communications 101 course in our schooling, very few of us have even had a good communications course, and many of us have had questionable communication and relationship role models. Therefore, it is your responsibility (if you want healthy, lasting, and fulfilling relationships), to learn how to be an effective communicator. The best communicator is the one who does the most powerful listening and the one who doesn’t react emotionally.

Following are tools to help you become a more powerful listener. Consider this your Communications 101 curriculum.

1. Be a mirror. When a negative conversation is directed at you, in a calm voice simply restate what you hear the person saying to you (What I hearing you saying is ______________.) The more you repeat back what the person is saying to you, the more he or she will feel as though you are truly listening and hearing what it is that they are saying. This will help to diffuse the situation and at the same time you will better understand what it is that the other person is saying to you.

2. Take a Time-Out. Take an agreed upon time-out if things become too heated or if you need time to process your thoughts and feelings about the conversation you are having. Sometimes a time- out can be a constructive tool to avoid unnecessary aggression and induce better understanding. You have the right to take some time. Simply state that you need some time to think about and process what has been said, and then take it. Also, make sure you make an agreement as to when you will reconnect with each other again. Being quick to listen and slow to speak is a healthy and effective communication paradigm.

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