The Facts

Wine and semen have a natural affinity and even though this has been known for centuries by the Greek and Egyptian civilizations, it still remains to this day, a taboo barely spoken of in polite society. Today, not surprisingly, very few master the art of wine & semen pairing despite the fact that it has much in common with some wine & food pairing guidelines.

There are two schools of wine parings and the same guidelines of each hold true for the delightful pairing of wine and semen. One is the "Birds of a Feather" theory, suggesting the pairing of light-bodied wines with lighter foods and heavy-bodied wines with heavier, more flavorful foods. A wine's body being how powerful and weighty it feels in your mouth.

On the other hand, other tasting aficionados suggest that opposites attract, that is, sweet wine, for example, goes with sour or acidic food.

An effective wine & semen pairing technique based on similar guidelines does exist and here is how it works.

Step One: You need to describe, as accurately as possible, the taste of your partner’s semen the same way you would describe the flavors of a particular meal. Here’s the best way to do that.

Semen tasting Technique Have your lover ejaculate entirely in your mouth and roll it over your tongue for several seconds before swallowing. Exhale through your nose as you swallow. Your taste buds and sense of smell will work together.

Try swishing the Semen around in your mouth and then swallow while you exhale through your nose. Some prefer to "chew" the semen before swallowing. Try each technique and see what works best for you.

Now write down your impressions: Does it remind you of the taste of some fruit or anything familiar? Is it a little on the sweet side or a little salty? Is it acidy? Take note of its texture. Is it thin or thick? And finally, regarding the quantity, do you get a mouthful of semen or just a timid drop? Don’t hesitate to take as many notes as you can; the more accurate you are, the better the ultimate pairing you’ll have.

The Art of Wine & Semen Pairing On to Step Two. With your observations in hand, follow these simple rules for the best semen and wine pairing:

For abundant and sticky semen with a butter or Brie cheese like taste, the best choice would be some light-bodied wines such as the following:

· A Red Zinfandel : This wonderful, hearty, fruit-packed and all American wine is perfect for romance and a sticky semen with a Brie like taste will bring with it a unique and exciting Bouquet. My suggestion here: The Frog's Leap 2005 Zinfandel, Napa Valley. It’s the best of the best Red Zin for making love!

· A Beaujolais: Beaujolais is a very light red wine with a deliciously intense aroma and a fruity floral bouquet that would subtly underline the semen’s smooth side. My choice here: The 2005 Potel Aviron Cote de Brouilly will get your mouth ready for other oral delights.

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