FOLLOW THE MONEY

The second thing to do is to get informed about your finances. Assist The Closer by paying attention around the house.

Men start hiding things when they’re having an affair, out of guilt, and also because they’re spending lavishly on the other woman. If he wants out, or is afraid you’ll file, he’ll be moving his money, looking out for himself. One man we know gave all the stock in his multi-million dollar business to his mother so it couldn’t be touched.

You need to know:

1. How much he makes and how he gets paid. 2. If he has a retirement plan and where it is. 3. Where he keeps the financial papers – at work? at home? 4. The name of his accountant and stock brokers. 5. Do you have a joint savings account? Could he sign his name and clean out your life’s savings? 6. What are your debts? Whose name are they in? 7. Check credit card statements. If he left, could you have credit on your own? 8. Does he have an insurance policy? 9. What would happen to your health insurance (and the kids’) if he left?

THE COMPUTER Many men invest on the Internet. They also start affairs on the Internet, through porn sites, chat rooms and dating services. Computer spy software such as SpyAgent ( http://www.affairspy.com ) provide monitoring and surveillance. SpyAgent logs keystrokes, emails, websites, passwords, even chat conversations. Not detectable, it defeats spyware detectors and can be remote or local. (Useful with teens and to protect children, too.) GET MONEY If you feel a split coming up, or suspect him in any way, you need to take care of yourself (and look out for the kids’ welfare). If it comes down to divorce, you’ll need help, and help costs money -- a lawyer, a coach, maybe a therapist for the kids. You’d have to cover your own living expenses. Sometimes a divorce can take a year to settle. What will you live on in the meantime? I know it feels crummy if you start salting money away, but he started it, with the infidelity. Once the trust is broken, then it becomes “every man for himself” – and woman too. Don’t lie awake at night staring at the ceiling or spend another day snapping at the kids because your nerves are on edge, or lose your job because you’re a zombie at work from the tension. If you think something’s wrong, you have every right to get the information you need. “Break Free From the Affair” ( http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/cgi-bin/cmd. cgi?cmd=aftrack&afid=307546&u=www.break-free-from- the-affair.com/ebook.htm ) can help you if you want to go that way. “Should You Stay or Should You Go” ( http://www.mybizkit.com/app/?af=307958 ) can help you sort it through and make that difficult decision.

In the meantime, find out. It takes courage and emotional intelligence to do this when you’re scared, heart-broken or angry. You have to hold the emotions at bay and do what you need to do. Your future’s at stake. Ask Marianne or Marilyn.

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