Using Words That Heal

The document he held in his hand read like a lawyer had charged him for more than time and effort. It was the beginning of healing and such benefits would be priceless. Ethical wishes made their way into the legal swamp of bequeathing and here-to-fore's. His worldly possessions, though few, were distributed according to his wishes. With caution and inner searching, words of "why" certain choices and decisions were made were clarified. A man's last will and testament also became his ethical will by injecting small doses of his reasons for certain decisions. He was healed of an infection that had rendered him angry prior to releasing his frustration in a document that would be witnessed and acknowledged after his death.

Ethical wills take many forms yet can be the conduit to resolution and completion in our lives and the lives of our patients.

Patients and families come to hospice when the end is usually much nearer than the six month allotment of supposed time and therefore ethical wills are rarely addressed.

Nurses are in critical mode, hurriedly addressing pain and symptoms in an effort to begin working to alleviate emotional pain. Social workers are ecstatic to have actual counseling time but are most likely struggling to make the initial visit or complete the loose ends of other advanced directives and wishes not yet addressed.

The chaplain and volunteers are often requested to not visit until the need is anything but writing an ethical will. The spiritual pain is often lost in silence and never gains ground in being expressed to family and friends.

What is an ethical will? Of biblical origin, the ethical will was once an assignment of blessings and statements from the elder fathers to their sons. Today we see these wills in a disguise of journaling and personal notes.

There is no appropriate or designated format for this type of will. The contents are magical in their powers to heal and the magic is not formed in following specific criteria for form. There can always be healing - even when experiencing the end of life.

A piece of paper, a notebook, or a beautiful handmade leather journal may all serve the same purpose. The words are written to explain the reason for choices made, the expectations of life and family, ideas, forgiveness, explanations.

No formal will and testament gives an ear to the discomforts of the soul, except the ethical will. As an agency or an individual, you can begin the healing of your patients by encouraging the documentation of those thoughts and feelings that have surfaced with the intrusion of death.

The ethical will may take the form of a terminally ill mother writing her blessings and wishes in a journal to leave for her daughter, a young man who wants his siblings to understand his heart and the reasons for actions he has taken as the obstacle of death stands fast in his way, or the couple who have no one but each other that leaves their legacy of love in writing for someone to acknowledge or witness.

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