Recently, a number of parents have contacted me about their children's violent behavior. These children, usually 2-6 years old, have started to strike out at anyone who denies them what they wish, including their parents. Most of these parents are concerned that their children are going off in the wrong direction and are in somewhat of a panic about their child's violent acts. This article will discuss what it means when your young child hits you and what you should do about it.

Aggressive Behavior in Young Children

The first thing a parent should realize is that aggressive behavior is both normal and common in young children. A child under the age of six lack the maturity to hold back his impulse to bite, hit, or kick. A child may actually know that hitting is wrong, but a child at this age often can't control himself.

Why a Child Hits

There are several reasons why a small child chooses to hit. I will go through the common ones.

Frustration and Anger

Anger is a major problem with children. When a child gets angry, he is expressing his utter frustration at the lack of control that he has over his world.

Something happens that deeply troubles your son. He wants to do something and you stop him. Since your child is young, even though his feelings are very strong, he lacks the tools to express his frustration appropriately. This further frustrates him and he explodes in anger. He may strike at you with the only tools at his disposal, by hitting.

Inability to Communicate

One of the reason the "terrible two's" are terrible is that two year olds have very strong wants and desires, but they lack the skills to communicate them to others. Since they lack the verbal skills they express themselves by other means. They have tantrums and they hit.

Let's take a common example. Your child wants to do something and you stop him. This displeases him greatly.

He really wants to say to you: "Mommy, dear, I find it confining and inhibiting when you don't let me explore my environment. If you will consult the latest child developmental research you will realize that I have a need to learn about my world and delve into its intricacies. This is how I grow and develop intellectually. Don't you think it is unwise to be an overprotective parent? Surely you don't want to stunt my growth. I plan to be in University in sixteen years. How do you expect me to be prepared for it if you don't let me learn? So please, just back off a little. I want to see what happens when I stick my fork in the electrical outlet."

Most toddlers do not express themselves like this, but if they could this is the type of thing they would say. Instead they express themselves with the tools that they have available which include crying, tantrums, and hitting you.

Times of Stress

Growing up is hard work. Many times children, who face developmental challenges and are under a lot of stress, go through an aggressive phase. This can be because they have less energy for self control or because the stressful event just pushes them over and makes every little inconvenience seem so much bigger. The result is that such a child is more likely to resort to hitting.

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