How do you feel when someone you are not attracted to keeps pursuing you? Does it make you feel uncomfortable or perhaps even annoyed? Are you worried about their feelings and try very hard not to hurt them? Do you find yourself telling lies to this person? Do you avoid them hoping that eventually they get the hint? Saying no may be a hard thing to do, however, if you learn how to do it gracefully and with integrity, it may transform your entire life. First let's look at some common manipulative tactics.

Wrong number? How easy and sneaky it may seem at first to just pretend that you're interested, be polite and courteous, then just casually give out the phone number saying "sure, let's go out for a cup of coffee". Except that the phone number you just gave out was the number you just made up in your head. The fact that this poor guy will find out when he calls the number you give him might be the last thing on your list of things to worry about. In fact, to avoid feeling guilty you try not to think about this at all, however think about other possibilities. If you see him again, how would it feel to you when you're confronted with "you gave me the wrong number last time!" Or, how would it feel to you, someone who has a habit of giving out false phone numbers as a strategy to get rid of somebody, when someone else gives a wrong phone number to you?

I'll just avoid him/her until he/she gets the hint... This may feel like the easy way out but in the long run, the longer you wait the harder it will get to put yourself out there. Just imagine, with all the people you are not attracted to asking you out that you simply can't say "no" to, how willing are you to get back into the single scene? You might as well screen every phone call you get. You gave him you're phone number when you had no interest in him, of course he will call you! And he may just keep on calling you until you tell him not to or until he "gets the hint." How much energy does it take to communicate through hints? And how many times does it take to say no? The truth is, if you say it effectively, once is enough.

I have a boyfriend/girlfriend... This may be a solid reason not to give out your phone number to other people or agree to meet them on a date. However, when in reality you are single, this simply becomes a solid lie. Besides, you can't really do that when you are mingling at the singles party.com. But let's say you are at the place where you can get away with being in a relationship excuse and this person has no way of finding out about your lie. Consider the possibility that there might be someone else in the room you are attracted to, or that someone else will show up later. What if the one you're really interested in is someone who knows the person you just told you were in a relationship? Now you either blew your chances, your fraud was exposed or both.

I am bad/wrong for you... May sound like a noble approach on your part; however it is unfortunate that sometimes this very approach is what makes you even more desirable because you make the other person's importance come above yours. Was that your real intention? Or were you REALLY saying "You are wrong/bad for me." Can't you accept the fact that since she showed an interest, she might have seen something in you that feels right to her? How does it feel to have to put yourself down each time someone you don't want to pursue a relationship with tells you that she likes you?

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