An in-patient ward for depression and suicide attempts was the last place 36 year-old "Amber," a successful financial analyst, expected to wake up. After what she described as a meltdown, Amber thought she took enough pills to end forever the pain from a disappointing marriage and desperate affair. Months of therapy and medication made Amber realize that she may have been smart about her career but not about love.

Amber is not alone. Depression, eating disorders, suicide attempts and other alarming relationship problems such as domestic violence often occur together. Any one of these areas is a warning sign. However, while author and psychologist, Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, was studying over 360 women for her next book project, The No-Nonsense Woman’s Guide to Love, she discovered that some highly capable women, especially ages 22-47, had problems that put them in greater danger of losing their lives or making serious relationship mistakes. Amber’s story is a wake up call for today’s take-charge women.

Mistake #1: Pasts: From Fake Smart Cookies to Real Crumbles

Like many of the strong, no-nonsense women in the research, Amber came from a broken and unloving family. She blamed herself for her parents’ divorce and thought if she had been more important, then her critical father would not have left. Her last memory was his scowling at her for not getting all A’s. Critical parents and divorced parents can make even the smartest cookie fear relationship break ups and feel flawed.

The best relationship advice for women with this background is to recognize that their families’ words and behaviors are expressions of how the parents felt about themselves—not about the children. Practice repeating in the mirror often: "It’s not about me. It’s not true of me. It’s about them and their problems."

Mistake #2: Control Freaks: From Talk-the-talk--but Not Walk-the-walk

Because Amber secretly felt damaged, she experienced small mistakes as mortal blows. Many capable women strive for perfection and believe control prevents unhappy endings. They often avoid asking for help because it activates fears of being controlled or found wrong and weak. In their careers, they’re proud to be seen as take-charge women. Co-workers detested Amber’s micro-managing and described her as a person who could dish it out but not take it. She was a secret fraud who could talk the talk but not walk the walk.

To lessen the need for self-protection, build comfort with shortcomings by engaging in activities where mistakes are inevitable. When Amber took line-dancing lessons, she discovered that looking foolish was not so bad. Her confidence allowed her to drop her guard in other areas. Now she could walk the walk.

Mistake #3: Dangerous Love Flips: From Meek Men to Mean Men

Women with emotional scars from unloving families often flip back and forth between men they control or men they over-please. Amber chose an ineffective husband in the hope that he would be too weak to find fault with her or leave. When the disappointment in a pliable man becomes too high, like Amber, many strong women choose a man of charm, status and power. Too late these take-charge women discover that the man’s sense of authority turned to authoritarianism and domestic violence. Amber’s self-worth was so low that she allowed herself to over-value the man and buckle to his demands and abuse.

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