The benefit of seeing a counselor or joining a support group is that the people you will be discussing your feelings are neutral, independent and not involved.

3) Legal advice

Often parties that are separating will not seek legal advice straight away. While this is common, it can have a serious impact on your future arrangements, especially with regard to children of the marriage.

When it comes to custody and parenting arrangements, the law pays particular attention to the routine that you set up for your children post-separation.

The law is loath to upset any well-established pattern of custody and care. So, if the children informally start spending the majority of time with your partner, and only fortnightly weekend visits with you, you might find the courts will refuse to disturb that arrangement down the track. Seeking legal advice with regard to custody and parenting arrangements is imperative when it appears clear that you and your partner are not going to reconcile.

The same goes for property matters. Even though it is hard to face the details of separation straight away, the sooner you get your legal affairs in order, the better.

4) Stay healthy, busy with work and engage in new activities

Although separation is extremely hard, you will weather it! As hard as it is to be positive, try to see this as a juncture in your life whereby you will renew yourself and start over.

Once the pain and hardship of divorce is over, many people look at the experience and conclude it was a very constructive turning point in their life. Renewing your interest in hobbies, focusing on your health and taking up new past-times are some of the ways you can turn divorce into something very empowering.

Like all trauma, separation and divorce can be a period of rebirth.

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