Romance. We are all suckers for it (yes, even you guys--you know what it leads to!) Images of romance surround us: the couple holding hands at Starbucks, the gazillions of bridal magazines you breeze past on the way to buy toilet paper, or the frolicking couples on billboard perfume ads. Newsflash: real people don’t do this.

Since most twenty-somethings are entering their first serious romantic relationship, expectations of what it’s supposed to be like are fueled by advertisements and Hollywood rather than real-life experience. And this is where the guys have my utmost sympathy. Unless you have a screenwriter following you around, it is nearly impossible to live up to the moves of the latest Hollywood heartthrob. Let’s examine one of the most popular aaahh-inducing lines in a movie: "You complete me" from Jerry McGuire. He even says it in front of a room of the woman’s closest friends! After that, the two embrace in a "you-are-my-soulmate" hug.

I bring this line up because I see so many twenty-somethings craving a relationship in the hopes that it will complete them in some way--make them happier, relieve some kind of stress, keep them on par with their peers, or please their parents. The most dangerous thing you can expect or do in a relationship is to hold onto the expectation that the person you are with is there to do something for you. That is not the point of a relationship. A healthy relationship is defined by two independent people who share a love for each other but are not dependant on each other.

Whether you are currently swaying to your own beat, sashaying between different partners, or waltzing with one person in particular, it’s important that you take the time to dance alone, to understand your personal rhythm, before matching yours to another. Take some single time, especially in your twenties, to learn who you are sans a plus one. You have the rest of your life to share a tube of toothpaste with someone else so enjoy these years of being on your own -- savor it. Living your own life, making your own decisions about your future, and dealing with the "real world" is a plate-full. Serious relationships can make it more difficult for you to figure yourself out, and not knowing who you are can do damage to future relationships. You will probably change more in your twenties than during any other decade in your life. The person you are at thirty may have a vastly different opinion about what you value in a partner than who you are at twenty-three. So date yourself. Fall in love with yourself.

Okay, so if you are still aching to register at Crate & Barrel, will some statistics make you feel better about staying single and feeling "complete" on your own first? Know that Americans are getting married later and later in life. A USA Today analysis of the new census figures shows that just 23.5 percent of men and 31.5 percent of women ages 20-29 were married in 2006. In 1970, 19 percent of births were to women 25 and up. Now, over 50 percent of births are to women 25 and up. Think of it this way: ideally you’ll get married and have a long life together. You’ll be with this other person for decades, maybe even over half a century, so what’s the rush?

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