Dorothy was about in tears, tears of happiness, understanding and acceptance when she came to understand how people just naturally and intuitively operate with different perceptual filters. She exclaimed, "And all this time, I just thought my husband just didn’t like me!" No, he loved her all right. He just had different filtering programs running in his "necktop computer" than she did.

What can you learn from Dorothy? And how can you use that information to enhance and augment your love list to attract your perfect mate? Or, if you are already in a relationship, to be calmer, more thoughtful, patient, and respectful of how and when they operate differently than you. It will go a long way in strengthening your communicating and relating to each other.

First, here is a list to help you start your thinking in creating your love list from Dr. Neil Clark Warren. What do you want in each of these categories?

• Personality
• Intelligence
• Appearance
• Ambition
• Chemistry
• Spirituality
• Character
• Creativity
• Parenting
• Authenticity

These categories are very comprehensive. Just one point to think about so that you are coming from your deepest core - - - If you write down a noun, for example, "attorney", you have to say what that means to you. For example, being an attorney, I can assume that means that he is intelligent and persistent enough to stick to getting an education through law school. If you say "over 6 feet tall", you need to say that you want a man taller than you when you are wearing heels and you are 5’ 9". If you can put down more verbs and adverbs than nouns, you will get closer to your core match and ideal mate.

Now, here is part of my list. These items are crucial to a good healthy relationship. Feel free to take them as yours.

Partial Love List from a professional coach
• Trust
• Kindness
• Respect
• Consideration
• Freedom to be myself
• Supportive
• Honesty
• Non manipulative
• Equity
• Give and receive properly
• Acceptance
• Tolerance
• I’m OK – You’re OK
• Understanding
• Sense of humor
• Keeps sense of perspective
• Owning responsibility
• Setting limits
• Stating wants and needs
• Forgiving
• Safety – non abusive
• Future together – commitment
• Sense of "us"
• Fair fighting
• Chemical health, social use of alcohol, no drugs
• Self awareness and ongoing growth
• Shared interests
• Non-competitive
• Tact
• Freedom to make mistakes
• Willingness to compromise
• Has his own identity
• Independence
• Non possessive
• Sharing
• Good sex

Now you get to fill in what is important to you, using Dr. Warrens’ categories and incorporating my "healthy relationship" items. Add what ever your "spice" is.

I know the idea of Oprah’s list is that you write the list and put it away. Go ahead and put a copy away.

But this list will work even better if you keep it active in your memory too. Read it often and compare any relationships you are tempted to get in to this list.

Add an understanding of how an individual uses their personal perception drivers, like Dorothy did, and you will have an understanding that compliments and strengthens your Love List and will serve you for a lifetime.

For information on a podcast and workbook on how to understand personal perception drivers from a professional coach, visit the link in the bio section.

Light the Fire!
Denise Pederson