When Jodi said the headphones cost a fortune, Mike was confused. The price tag was $350 – expensive, but a fortune? Jodi speaks in superlatives, and superlatives don’t compute in Mike’s literal brain.

Rory went off on two tangents before returning to his original point. As a systematic communicator, Carlos missed Rory’s conversational detour and was so lost he missed Rory’s point.

What’s going on? What we see here is a failure to communicate due to seemingly incompatible communication styles.

Research pertaining to communication style uncovers four different communication styles that are determined by two factors – pace and people-orientation. "Visionaries" are fast-paced, people-oriented communicators. "Achievers" are fast-paced task-oriented communicators. "Reflectives" are slower-paced, task-oriented communicators. "Likeables" are slower-paced, people-oriented communicators. Each style has its own strengths and weaknesses. And like oil and vinegar, they don’t blend perfectly, but they do complement each other.

Communication skill training is never complete without analyzing communication styles and learning how to communicate effectively with different personality tendencies. Here are some dos and don’ts to help you bridge the communication style gap.

1, Ask the question, what’s my communication style? Take a simple communication test to find out. Start your communication style development with yourself and your own conversational style. I offer a free communication style quiz on my website at: www.speakstrong.com. It’s also available in my book PowerPhrases! http://www.speakstrong.com/PowerPhrases!.html Don’t: assume everyone has the same style you do, or that your style is better than others. Why not? What seems normal to you may seem picky, illogical or undecipherable to someone else. Do: Know thyself. Get conscious of your own communication style, communication strengths, and communication flaws. Why: The better you understand how you communicate, the more likely you will be to adapt to different communication styles.

2. Invite the important people in your life to take the communication style quiz. Once you understand your own style, enlist the interest of others. Don’t: imply they need to take the test remedially. Why not? Any implication there is something wrong with their style will create resistance. Do: let them know you’d like for them to take the test so you can better understand how they communicate. Why? It presents a benefit to them that is likely to interest them. PowerPhrase / What to say: "I’m studying communication styles because I’d like to improve my communication skills. Would you take a quiz communication style quiz to help me understand how you communicate?" Poison Phrase / What not to say: - You need to take this test.

3. Initiate a conversation about conversations with people of other communication styles. Don’t: continue a conversation that isn’t working when you need a conversation about how you communicate. Why not? If you are speaking different languages, speaking longer or louder won’t help. Do: take a step back and discuss how you can bridge the communication barrier. Why? It’s like rebooting your computer. It gives you a fresh start. PowerPhrase / What to say: "We seem to be speaking different languages. I’d like to discuss our communication styles and find ways for us to adapt to each other’s style." Poison Phrase / What not to say: - You’re not making sense.

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