Let's start with an underlying assumption, good relationships are not easy. When NBC did a story called Project Everlasting, they interviewed 200 couples who had been married at least 40 years and every single one of them said they had been through some rough times. So the road to love is not smooth. When these couples were interviewed every single one said that respecting each other was important and I agree. You can respect someone without loving them but you can't love someone without respecting them. When you respect someone you treat them in a different way then when you don't respect them. Respect means not belittling their ideas. It means listening to them and not cutting them off. Respect can be looking up to them or defending them because you think they are right. It can be a lot of different things to different people but the bottom line is you treat them like they matter. When you treat a spouse with respect you build them up. When you don't, you tear them down. Which manner will result in having a powerful union?

The 2nd thing that is needed to create a strong relationship is the ability for each side to compromise. You can't always have everything you want all the time. Resentments will build up if one person takes more than they give. But at the same time you shouldn't be playing goal keeper by making sure everything is exactly 50/50. When both of you have an intention to be respectful of each other and to allow the other person to have their way half the time, the place you are coming from should just naturally create many satisfying results for each of you. This was another element our 200 couples mentioned and as a divorce lawyer I KNOW compromise is the life blood of creating win/win deals with people.

The 3rd thing you must have is open and honest communication. Most people are not mind readers and shouldn't be made to feel like they don't really know or love you unless they automatically understand what is going on with you. Give an emotional weather report. Directly say what you need and want. Don't wait for that one last straw that breaks the camel's back to blow up. Things don't need to get to that point if you are regularly communicating what is going on with you. When you are talking don't blame the other person for making you feel a certain way. No one makes you feel anything. That is YOUR choice. There are no victims when people take responsibility for their choices. It is perfectly valid to say, "when you do that I feel this." You are not blaming them for anything. You are just letting them know how you feel. Take responsibility for making sure the other person hears what you are saying. There are 2 parts of a conversation. You are responsible for making sure the message you are saying is getting through and you are responsible for hearing what they are saying too.

Peter Drucker, renowned management specialist, says that 60 percent of management problems result from faulty communication. According to criminologists, up to 90 percent of all criminals have problems with interpersonal communication. And according to a leading marriage counselor, at least half of all marriage breakdowns are caused by faulty communication.

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