Effective communication is based on knowing our thoughts, desires, motives and feelings - being honest with them and expressing them creatively. People who deny or suppress their inner feelings and true desires fail to communicate effectively and can never discover true intimacy.

The 4th thing to keep in mind is to pick your battles. I have seen this over and over again in court as people dig in their heals on issues that are meaningless. Never fight and bicker over meaningless things like the best way to clean the sink or if the toilet paper rolls over or under. You better save your energy for things that really matter. When you don't sweat the small stuff life is a lot easier and you are a more pleasant person to be around. I am NOT saying to stuff what really bothers you but if leaving the toothpaste cap off bothers you that much, you need to toughen up. An easy going person is a lot easier to live with forever than someone who has a chip on their shoulder.

The 5th thing to remember is you have needs too. It is natural to want to make your mate happy and support them in any way you can but when you give up your own life to accommodate their needs without a reciprocal concession on the other person's part, you cease to exist. It is very rare that a couple has the same needs at the same time. Expect to be traveling different paths at certain points. This is when compromise is really important. If you end up moving to support their career on the promise that after a certain period of time they will do the same for you (or whatever your deal is going to be), get it in writing and have a penalty if they don't follow through. Throughout history martyrs are often killed. Why should you be any different?

The last thing you need to maintain a long term relationship is honesty and trust. These really are the back bones that everything else is built on. If you don't have an underlying sense that your mate has your back and can be counted on to tell you the truth, you are just fooling around. I have seen all trust crumble away as a spouse gets caught in little lies over and over again. Not knowing when your spouse is being 100% truthful really erodes the respect and remember you can respect someone without loving them but you can't love someone without respecting them. Don't make excuses for telling white lies. OK, if she says, "Does this make me look fat?" and you feel like she won't change her clothes if you say yes, then you can lie but if you continually underestimate what you are spending on purchases or overestimate how much time you actually need to travel from work to home, after a while your spouse just isn't going to trust you.

Think of the two of you as Bonnie and Clyde. You want a stand up cohort who has your back no matter what. You have to KNOW they are going to split the loot with you even steven and that you don't have to keep that gun under your pillow just in case they sneak up on you. You want a partner you can count on. Some one who will fight against the world with you not against you. You want someone you can trust to drive the getaway car and not rat you out to the cops if they are caught. If honesty is important between thieves, it should be to you too. Or maybe this is just my vision. See, everyone needs to have a vision of the kind of life and relationship they want. They need to enroll the other person into their vision or create a joint vision and then keep creating that vision together. When you aim for a target there is a LOT more chance of hitting it then just randomly shooting at nothing in particular. You create your life through intention and action. So given all I have just said, do you see areas of your relationship that you can shift or expand in such a way to create the marriage you now envision? What can you do today to take a step in that direction? I wish you good speed on your journey and know that you can create the relationship you intend.

Page 2 of 2 :: First | Last :: Prev | 1 2 | Next