I Can't Cope!

Self-ImprovementMotivational

  • Author Martin Taylor
  • Published March 12, 2008
  • Word count 1,030

You’re not alone. Other people have similar problems. How do they cope? Four people tell their stories.

Chris was devastated when he was diagnosed with cancer. "It’s not helpful when people bracket the big C with the big D." He worried about what to do and finally decided to gather as much information as possible.

"Personally, I handle stuff by wanting to find out about things, others may want to run away and hide, it’s your choice. There’s a huge amount of information out there, it’s a matter of sorting the wheat from the chaff. I read books, searched the net and talked to others. Who you talk to is very important. If they had their treatment five or ten years ago it could be quite different to the treatments available today. In the end I decided to go for the operation, which went really well."

Chris got something good out of something bad. "For me it was a positive experience because I found out early. I’d hate to find out later when it was more advanced. You have to have regular check-ups. It taught me that your health is really important, you need to look after yourself like you look after your car. I am passionate now about helping others in similar circumstances and spreading the word. I think you have to give something back – that’s my philosophy."

Char overcame serious depression. She loved sport but a serious knee injury stopped all participation. "For me it was almost like taking away air. It was devastating being so young and so into sport. I felt crushed. I couldn’t play sport any more and I just went down hill."

She became severely depressed and sought relief from cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. On the brink of suicide she decided to change tack.

"I had a serious talk with my family, we’re all quite close, and decided to see a doctor. He put me on antidepressants. No side effects, I was very lucky. I went to counselling as well. It was the best move I could have done. And I got well again. Antidepressants and the counselling were amazing. I got to talk through some of my issues and it really helped me. It’s important to talk to people if you’re seeing signs of depression or feeling alone.

You will recover, you will get through this with a bit of effort and time. You need to accept help when it’s needed and not be ashamed to ask for help, acknowledge how you are feeling. Medication is a personal choice but it definitely helped me. I decided to get back into the work force and my counsellor found me a job. I’m completely recovered now and helping others in similar positions to where I was."

Irene coped with a marriage break down and divorce. "My husband was the type of person who was never really satisfied with what he had, whether it was his car, his house, his job - or his wife. Another woman got hold of him and she wouldn’t let go. She chased him wherever he was. It got to the stage where he wasn’t interested in me at all. In the end I kicked him out. It was very traumatic. I just descended into a black depression.

Well, in the end I woke up one day and said, for goodness sake get yourself going. I looked in the newspaper and here was this job looking after an elderly lady. I got the job.

I believe the solution has to come from within yourself. You’ve got to find your own strength and get yourself up. It’s very hard to do. I miss terribly not having anyone to live with. But if you haven’t I think you’ve got to go to people who will support you. I’m a very independent person but I’ve learned that it’s extremely important to have good friends around you. Talk to them, tell them how you feel and take their advice. You’ve got to bare your soul in a way so they can help you. If you’ve been brought up in a Christian lifestyle it does help."

Jason managed to overcome addiction. At first he didn’t acknowledge a problem. "Alcohol and cannabis were a normal part of my social group and my life as well. I didn’t see it as a problem, all my friends were doing it. I thought it was a fun life style. The first real problems were financial. I never had any money left over. I was often in debt. I started to resent the fact that it was controlling me.

In times of desperation I prayed. But I feared that if I got involved with a church I’d have to change my life style. I did finally go to a church and came in contact with people I initially felt alienated from because of the lifestyle I had. They were accepting, non-judgemental and open to discuss things with me, sharing my concerns and my fears. That was instrumental, just spending time with those guys, praying, it helped me refocus. I became more and more uncomfortable smoking dope till I reached the point where it just fell away.

It’s good to be open and honest with friends about where you’re at. When stresses of life come, as they do, drugs can take the edge off, but it becomes a vicious circle. Drugs become the problem so you use more to block out those feelings.

You need to know that it’s never as bad as you think it’s going to be. We can make things so big in our mind that we’re scared to attempt it. The fact is people can solve their problems. I’ve done it, I know lots of people who have broken the cycle. It’s not easy but it is doable and it’s never too late. Certainly life on the other side is so much better."

You can see the full stories on www.vivavitalis.com.

Martin Taylor is a trainer who believes learning is life-long. He regards people who have experienced problems and solved them as credible teachers. Vivavitalis.com was founded to bring together people with solutions and those with problems they need to solve. Search the site for the solution to your situation and/or make a comment.

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