1) Understand that you are the sacrificial lamb on the altar of life. You have this one precious life to live and you have the choice to make it great or miserable. What will it be?

2) No one other than yourself is responsible for your life, your divorce or your marriage for that matter. This is one of the most difficult things to get your mind around but it is true. Unless you accept responsibility for yourself and everything you see in your life, then you will continue to blame others and give away your power.

If you were to be totally honest with yourself, you would probably see how you played an equal part in the collapse of your marriage. Even if you are the so-called dumpee, there were two people in this marriage and no one person is solely at fault. You may believe that your ex was a bully and a tyrant and you were an innocent victim but guess what? You allowed it. You were co-dependent; you empowered your ex in ways you may not even recognize at this point in time.

And if you are really honest and willing to do the inner work necessary to move on, you will see that who you were being in the marriage is who you have been all along. Unresolved emotional issues from your past colored your marriage, it’s true. If you had a bad relationship with your father and he made you feel worthless, you may go looking for a Father as a mate which is not the basis for a successful marriage.

3) To see outer change, you must first do the inner work. In order to rid yourself of the same reactive, ingrained responses from your past you have to do the inner work of personal growth. You must conquer the demons of mind chatter that run you. You must learn what has been holding you back from living your best life, being happy and successful. Whether you work with a therapist or a Life Coach doesn’t matter. Just do it!

4) It is during the times of the most intense pain and transition that we learn the lessons we need to learn and grow as a human being. When we are challenged is when we learn deep lessons. When we learn deep lessons we grow as a human being. It is easy to handle life in good times but it is when things get rough that our true character has the chance to emerge IF we allow it. Again, it becomes your choice and your choice alone as to how you will handle this life transition. You alone will choose to go forward or live in the past. Once again I ask you…what will you do with this one precious life you have?

4) Everything that has happened to you has happened for a reason. If you believe that there are no reasons for what happens in life then you will see no reasons for this divorce and you may stay stuck where you are right now. If on the other hand you believe that everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason; that life is not random; that all the events we have experienced have moved us forward and in turn force us to evolve as a human being; that our purpose will reveal itself to us through these life lessons, well then you can see that this divorce is a tremendous opportunity to go inside and do the inner work that will cause you to transform as a human being. You will also have a much easier time of letting go.

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