We worry about our kids: their well-being and a happy future is our main concern in life. We long for them to happy and successful at whatever they choose to do. We hope that we will be able to provide them with the help that many of us received from our own parents. How can we ensure that we have done everything in our power to see that all this might come to pass?

We need to take a few steps back and consider what we truly want for our kids. When I asked a client of mine recently to think carefully of the three things she wished for her children, her response was that she wanted them to be loving, compassionate and responsible adults. She didn’t mention things like rich, famous or powerful. She really got to the root of what she knew to be the crucial characteristics necessary for a happy and fulfilling life.

Once we have clarity about the things we really want for our kids, we can then move forward towards instilling those traits in them. But first we must have clarity. Here’s what to do:

1. Make a list of all the things you want for your kids. Financial security, love, happiness…even for them to be blessed with kids just like them! That’s what my Mother wished for me and it came true.

Once you have come up with a list of perhaps ten items, start from the top and compare the first two items. Which is most important? Take that choice and compare it to the next item on the list. Again, which is most important? Continue doing this until you have gone through your list and the item that remains is your number one choice.

Repeat the process for your number two, three, four and five choices. This is a list of the five most important things that you want for your kids. Now you can move towards ensuring you do your best to work towards a wonderful future for your kids.

2. Important rule: You are not making decisions about your children’s personal future. That’s their responsibility and right. You are making decisions as a parent concerning their future but you are not determining their future.

3. So let’s say that one of the items on your list happens to be financial security. What do you know about what it takes to create financial security? Think of people who have managed to achieve financial security on their own. What traits do they share? Perhaps you determine that responsibility is one of those traits.

How do you create responsibility? What do you know to be true about responsible adults? My own personal opinion is that these adults were taught early on through actual experience about responsibility. For instance, most of them probably had specific chores they did at home. Most of them probably worked in the summers. Most of them probably learned early on to take responsibility for their own lives and not place blame others. Most of them, at the appropriate age, were undoubtedly taught to make decisions on their own and suffer the consequences. They learned not by being told what to do but in the actual doing.

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