What does it mean to be an effective parent? I can almost hear as many answers as there are people responding to my question. Perhaps then I had better clarify what I mean by the term as used in this article.

The key to the meaning is in the definition of the word effective.

Consulting my dictionaries I find that most of the main meanings boil down to 'producing an intended result' and this is how I use it here.

Effective means you have a definite or desired end result in mind. You have thought it through and you know what you want to achieve.

When it comes to our children I think the universal end result is to ensure that our children experience a happy childhood that results in them growing into happy, self-confident, productive adults who are capable of making their own way and succeeding in the world. Generally speaking we want to be proud of our children and know that they have grown into capable adults who can take care of themselves and hopefully be a benefit to our community as well.

And let's not forget the childhood years themselves. These are precious years that pass all too quickly. We want to get the best experience out of these years we can. If a child can look back on a happy childhood you can bet they were extremely valuable years to us too.

These goals are highly desirable but how do we achieve them? One reads of so many different parenting styles and theories abound. It's not surprising many people become confused and subsequently concerned that maybe they are failing their children.

All I can say is don't get caught up in this quagmire. If you have the desire to produce the kind of end results we have discussed above and if you can enjoy the fruitfulness of the childhood years now, you have already pinned down the central role of being an effective parent.

If your style of parenting instills a healthy self-confidence and high degree of self-esteem during your children's formative years you know you are moving in the right direction.

One tip I would offer and it's seldom mentioned in so called professional literature is to remember the word 'courtesy'. Showing those we love, be it partners or our children, the same common courtesy and respect we show to total strangers sometimes get forgotten in the everyday turmoil of life. We are just too close.

Failing to acknowledge our loved ones can cost us dearly. Don't let it happen and never forget your children are just as entitled to the same courtesy and respect as the next person.

By showing your children such basics you are helping them to start to feel terrific about themselves. If self-confidence and self-worth are to become an integral part of your child's psyche the rich soils of respect and courtesy are an absolute necessity.

Being a good parent is difficult, being the best parent is probably impossible to define, but striving for these ideals is always worthwhile.

At the end of the day, 'Parenting Effectively' may be the hardest job in the world but it's probably the most rewarding too.