Have you recently had an unpleasant confrontation with someone? How would you like to get a different perspective so that you have more resources and options to deal with the situation? The way we see things (perceive) determines how we feel and react.

As I was contemplating what topic you might find valuable for this post, I recalled a client this past week that just experienced a most uncomfortable business situation. He was wrongly and needlessly embarrassed and humiliated in front of some of his peers, and consequently was very angry. He wasn’t thinking with his best logical brain on how to proceed in rectifying the situation. I walked him through this exercise and he gained useful information that helped him proceed and understand the situation.

This exercise is very powerful. In its original form it’s known in NLP as the Perceptual Positions. Since I’m all about speaking in very simple words, I’m calling it the "Personal Perception Changer".

This simple exercise enables you to step out of what you are currently experiencing and garner new information by seeing things from a different perspective. The knowledge you gain from doing it will help you change the way you see it, and therefore how you are reacting. You will also be calmed down enough to make any necessary changes in your own behavior and thus get a much better outcome than just being angry or hurt.

First, I want to share the definitions for this exercise so you can just follow along with me as I walk you through the exercise.

1st Position (Self) The position of seeing, hearing, and feeling from out of you, through your eyes, walking in your shoes. This is a healthy position to operate from. You need to be here to speak from your heart, with authenticity, to present yourself, your thoughts, feelings, and responses, and to be present with someone else. When you operate only from this position, however, you will be viewed as very selfish and perhaps may even be dealing with mental illness.

2nd Position (Other) This is the position to understand, feel with, experience empathy for and see things from another’s point of view. From this perspective you can balance your needs and wants with another’s needs and wants. When you operate only from this perspective you may be dealing with codependency issues.

3rd Position (Fly on the Wall) This is the position of stepping back to observe from a dispassionate perspective. You are neither pro or con, just appreciate both positions fully. People that stay in 3rd person are seen as cold, or mechanical. They tend to be very highly educated, operating from their thinking, or perhaps greatly emotionally injured and put their thinking as a buffer between themselves and their environment.

4th Position (System) This is the position for understanding the entire system as a whole, the company, extended family, community in which you live or how this interaction from this perspective affects the larger system.

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