It seems like you are making the right decision. The road that you are going down seems less fearful. Difficulty is certain heading along the other path. We know that this choice is best. There are so many ways to justify this decision. In your mind, it is the right thing to do for your child. Of only you had the foresight to see the peril in your decision.

I write these words from experience. There was a time when I stood at the same crossroad. My choices were identical: to stay or to go. Being young and immature, my rationalization led me to leave. Her mother did not have the luxury of a choice. Although I justified it in my own mind, there is no reason to abandon a child. Succumbing to fear will never lead to a healthy conclusion. It is the utmost in selfish behavior.

All around me I see men making the same choice. It saddens me deeply, because I know the results of their choice. Today, I have the insight I lacked so many years ago. Hindsight is indeed 20/20. If I had to do it all over again, I would choose the other path. The one I selected turned out to be the more difficult one. It is wrought with pain and frustration. Once you walk out that door, it is extremely treacherous to get back in. We can make up for a lot in life; time is not one of those things.

I see so many that believe they are doing the right thing by leaving. The most common argument is that I cannot make enough money here. Another is about not being able to get along with the mother. Both those situations may be true. However, they do not apply to one's relationship with his child. Your child cares little about the money you make. Nor does that child really care about the toys-his/hers or yours. And once you leave the house, the relationship with the mother is secondary. What matters is being there for your offspring. That is paramount.

Children are resilient. They adapt to the circumstances around them. Whatever form the family dynamics take, they will adjust. The question is how well will you be able to adjust? Do not be surprised if you learn that your decision created a host of other factors you never envisioned. Are your ready to live with the pain of those factors? Since it is likely you are unaware of the potential pitfalls of your choice, the odds of you being prepared for them is minimal.

My experience is that you need to forgo the money. Also, do what is necessary to get along with the mother. Stop hanging with your buddies and be responsible. Get off the alcohol/drugs so that you can be a father. This is the most reasonable option you have. If you choose to continue as you are doing, your road ahead will be a lot bumpier.

There was a time when I chose to leave my child’s life. That single choice removed me from my daughter for the first 5 years. She did not even know that I existed. During that time, another man walked into her life who became "dad" to her. To this day, he is still referred to as that even though she understands my biological connection to her. It is something that I live with everyday of my life. My choice led me to give up my position as my child's father.

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