Guilt is equally ineffective after a divorce occurs. Guilt is just a way to beat yourself up and make yourself wrong. Get some help to figure out what you did wrong so that you don't have to make the same mistake over and over again. If you indulge in guilt, it will keep you stuck in your hurt and painful feelings. It's not reasonable to stay here. You can let go of your tight-fisted hold on guilt and you can craft new behaviors in place of the ones that created this messy divorce.

Analyzing your ex's bad points won't help you have a more successful marriage or subsequent relationship. If you are so brilliant at this type of analysis, perhaps you should get the training to become a professional at analyzing people's behaviors. They call these folks therapists and therapists get paid for doing this kind of work. If you stand and recite the litany of your former spouse's evil ways for a month of Sundays, it won't make your life any happier.

It would be a far more fruitful activity if you learned to recite a list of your own good traits. Can you do that? I think that we are all too hard on ourselves. Divorce just adds an extra weight to the burdensome sense we carry for having gone through this difficult experience.

In order to create a successful marriage or relationship and not enter into a second divorce, it's a wise idea to drop the concepts of guilt and blaming your ex. It's a wiser thing yet to take ownership of what ever role you played in that drama, clean up your own act, and create the next good thing in your life.

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