You may feel that you have been mentally abused and yet your partner may feel that you are the one that is abusive. He said, she said. Probably a counselor will see a totally different picture altogether. You know, there’s your side, his side and then the truth.

Once you are truthful with yourself and can see the facts versus the drama or story of your divorce, you will be on your way to acceptance.

5) Be brutally honest and take responsibility for your marriage, divorce and life. Those of us who can be totally honest with ourselves will receive the gift of a deep awareness of who and what we are along with the ability to accept our lives as they are without looking to blame someone else. Being honest allows us to see things that hadn’t existed for us before. The truth will indeed set you free. By setting aside our egos, we can look at our life for what it actually is versus a story about our divorce.

Once we have been honest and have embraced all the facts about our divorce, we are free to accept full responsibility for our lives. Responsibility is power and the freedom to choose what we want next in life. If we cannot take responsibility, we remain victims and victims absolve themselves of both their responsibility and therefore the power to control their own lives.

6) Learn the difference between what is and what you think should be. If we are living in a netherland of what we think should be, we are completely cut off from reality or ‘what is’. If you think that you should not have to be experiencing divorce, then you cannot accept what is…that you are indeed getting divorced. You live in a world of your own. We all create a list of should be’s that keep us stuck in the status quo: I should be happier, I should be getting more support, I shouldn’t have to work, and I should still be married. By concentrating on what we should be, we ignore what actually exists for us and remain stuck.

I think we should live in a world where peace is the predominant ethic but we don’t live in that world. That’s a dream I have. By acknowledging the world as it truly exists, I can make choices as to how I will live my life and also how to address the problems that do exist.

7) Consider the emotional wounds that you brought to the marriage. Your ex may complain that you were not a warm person. I doubt that it was your marriage that created a cold person, if indeed that is what you are. We bring ourselves into our marriages and the parts of us that show up and create issues are the parts of us that we haven’t addressed yet. They are emotional wounds from somewhere in our past and they have a tendency to pop-up in our close relationships or when we are faced with challenging times.

Now is your chance to address those wounds and heal them so that you do not repeat your so-called mistakes again. Use your divorce as a catalyst to go inside and heal yourself.

8) Release toxic emotions. Get rid of the debilitating toxic emotions that you are carrying around. Picture them as heavy baggage that keeps you stuck in your misery and produces a broken back. Anger, bitterness, hatred, resentment, rage…these are all toxic emotions that will harm you far more than your ex. You are the one who pays the price. You need to work through them and then release them because they will weigh you down for the rest of your life if you allow it.

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