You create an atmosphere of unconditional acceptance when you suspend judgement of your partner; you open yourself up to his/her uniqueness, quirks and the differences that exist between you. While you may not agree with everything your partner does, the message should be that you accept her/his essence, despite the differences and disagreements that arise in all marriages and relationships.

2. Show your partner that you understand him/her

Nurture intimacy by communicating an understanding of your partner's core vulnerabilities.

We all bring emotional vulnerabilities into our relationships, areas of our psyche where we feel totally raw and unprotected. These core vulnerabilities usually house our deepest hopes and fears, aspirations and longings. Just a hint of criticism is enough for you to quickly cover up and guard these parts of yourself. Our deepest pain occurs in these areas, as well as our most rewarding connections with others.

You and your partner's core vulnerabilities stem from the emotional injuries of childhood. The hurt and pain we inevitably suffer on the road to adulthood leave emotional scars that we all bring to our adult relationships. When you learn about your partner's life, the triumphs and failures, listen closely to where s/he felt most alone and pained. Communicate an understanding by validating how difficult it must have been. And don't stop there. Continue to validate the struggles your partner currently faces. When you see the world through your partner's eyes (even if your reactions may be different from his/hers), s/he will feel understood and closer to you. This is where intimacy begins.

There's no denying that your marriage or relationship has the power to lift you to heights you haven't imagined and drop you to lows that you never dreamed of. When you make unconditional acceptance and mutual understanding a regular part of your relationship, you sow the seeds of intimacy and your marriage enjoys a deep, fulfilling attachment.

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