Recognizing your core value starts with self-awareness!!! I have worked with many women to help them find relief from chronic pain. Most of these women are married and raising children while working outside the home. After many sessions and establishing a close rapport, it became apparent to me, the commonality amongst my female patients. Interesting enough, their personal symptoms of physical pain was a surface reflection of a greater challenge that lay deeper within...their sense of self or should I say, ‘denial of self’.

Women play a critical, central role in the home, usually the primary caregivers and the home makers. It is so easy for women to get caught up in doing things to ‘keep the peace’ and to keep the activities of daily living moving along as smooth as possible. "Status quo seems like the way to go." Having a change of heart, bringing up ideas or new ways of thinking about what we want to do or how we want to feel can bring with it a period of unrest, resistance, confusion, and tension in the home. In our minds, we can create and feel a sense of uncertainty and insecurity when it comes to challenging the stability of our relationships and our family life. If we bring new ideas about what we want that is different to the original expectation of the relationship, we fear and risk confrontation with a spouse or a loved one, misunderstandings, turbulence, or possibly losing a partner. We also fear and risk being vulnerable, being laughed at, ridiculed or put down.

How can women minimize the fear and begin to talk about their innermost feelings and heartfelt desires with their partner after being complacent and ‘comfortable’ for many years in the relationship? After all, couldn’t this be an opportunity to enrich a relationship and open up lines of communication? Perhaps not, women so often keep quiet just to keep their marriage together, keep the peace or to keep from "rocking the boat." Meanwhile, when we are not talking or voicing our true interests and desires, we are choosing to live with the inner turbulence, inner tug-o-war, inner chatter and recurrent ‘calling’ on our heart’s desires. Is that kind of life preferably better than to take the risk and finally speak truthfully about what matters most to us?

At some point, we recognize that we want to be heard and want to have a voice in our own destiny. We desire more, something different but our desire could possibly ruffle the current ways we live; ways and behaviors that we enabled and reinforced throughout the relationship. Whatever we can do to keep the peace seems to take precedence over self-actualization, self-recognition, and self-expression ... for this ‘self-less’ behavior is perceived as a way to lessen disagreements, possible upsets and lessen the threat of ending the security of a relationship. Yet, ladies, we are not at peace in our own heart. We are quicker to say we are tired and frustrated than inspired and desire to do something different, to grow, to dream, and to change.

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